“All marriages have difficulties.” “All couples fight.” “The make-up sex is fantastic.” So, what’s your story about marriage? Was it something you learnt from your parents or did you choose a different way to love?
I don’t resonate with any of the quotes above. To me, it’s like saying “birth is painful and dangerous”. Maybe that’s your experience, but that doesn’t mean it is the same for every woman on the planet. And just as more and more women are discovering that birth can be joyous, pleasurable, painless and ecstatic, so too will people discover that by bringing conscious awareness to the path of marriage, and recognising both ‘self’ and ‘other’, their script doesn’t need to mimic other people’s less than pleasant (and often destructive) experiences.
What do you bring to marriage? What is your fundamental belief about being in a long-term commitment? Does it fill you with fear or delight? Does it speak of entrapment? Or freedom? Do you feel comfortable being vulnerable and honest?
While each of us is our own person, and has our own beliefs, when we are in a relationship, a third entity is created. That ‘sacred being’ needs feeding and nourishment in order to grow and thrive, and that living entity then, like an invisible feed-back loop, ensures the individuals become the best version of themselves. And isn’t that what we truly want for the other? If not, then why stay in that relationship?
Someone said to me a while ago, “how can you stand spending time with your husband all the time?” (We both work from home.) The short and long answers: “I love it. I never tire of his company.”
For a marriage to blossom, it requires the individuals really know themselves. When we do that, then we fully own everything we bring to the relationship. When we don’t, pretty much everything is the other person’s fault. So marriage falls somewhere between an adversarial dead-end street or a vibrant freeway to heaven!
One of my daughters once commented that her father and I set the bar so high in terms of marriage. Truth is, I wouldn’t waste a day of my life in anything less than what we’ve created. If that’s the message my children see, then I’m delighted! Why spend your life consuming cheap and nasty ice cream when you can sup on the deluxe, gourmet, high-quality ice cream?
The more conscious we become, the more we also come to understand that our marriage is a mirror of our own self-worth and self-love. If your relationship isn’t anywhere near what you’d like it to be, then you have to go back to you. That is where the real loving has to begin and end. Love, Value, Respect. Prioritise your self-care and self-love, and watch your relationship change. Invest in your emotional and creative well-being. Life’s too short for anything less.
Perhaps you could use the energies of this upcoming Full Moon to really get a sense of relationship. https://veronikarobinson.com//full-moon-in-libra-mirror-mirror-on-the-wall/
Veronika Robinson has been officiating ceremonies since 1995. She has a deep love of the sacred, and derives great joy from creating, writing and officiating ceremonies for people. She specialises in handfastings, but is equally at home conducting more formal weddings in five-star venues, as well as namings, home blessings, blessingways, vow renewals and funerals. Veronika officiates sacred and inspirational ceremonies throughout Cumbria, northern Lancashire and Southern Scotland, and is particularly fond of outdoor ceremonies. www.veronikarobinson.com/celebrant