Veronika Robinson has been a celebrant for 27 years. She officiates ceremonies, across all rites of passage, from Callanish to Cornwall, however works primarily out of Cumbria. She is also a celebrant trainer at Heart-led Celebrants, and is editor of The Celebrant magazine.
Rite of Cocktail Mixing: Dark and Stormy
by Veronika Robinson
It was a dark and stormy time in Laura’s life when Steve brought just the right ingredients to turn things around. This ritual symbolises the blending together of their two lives.
The Dark and Stormy Cocktail is a rather mystical, mysterious and strong libation based on just three distinct ingredients:
Kraken spiced rum
Ginger beer
Lime juice
Rum symbolises that happiness and a good time were coming their way!
They each took turns adding the ingredients.
Rum improves with age. It has a way of becoming bolder and more confident, and this is what we wished for them individually and as a married couple.
Lime symbolises fidelity. We asked that they stay faithful to each other physically, emotionally and with each thought they had. Lime brings out the elements of this drink and, just like marriage, a tangy touch can bring out the essence.
Ginger is for abundance and good fortune coming into their home. We wished that this remains so for the rest of their lives.
To give this cocktail its stormy feature, Steve add a second shot of rum.
The individual ingredients still existed as entities in their own right but blended together made something interesting, distinctive and strong.
They then enjoyed three celebratory sips, with each one symbolising a different aspect of their love.
https://veronikarobinson.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/Steve-Laura-Wedding-Photos-138_websize-1.jpg10671600Veronika Sophia Robinsonhttps://veronikarobinson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/logo-1.pngVeronika Sophia Robinson2022-10-12 11:52:402022-10-12 11:52:40Celebrant's Notebook: A Dark and Stormy Night Cocktail Ritual
Increasingly, people are seeing marriage, and certainly the patriarchal or religious influences around that institution, to be archaic. Indeed, at the time of writing, there is currently a long-awaited review into marriage laws as they are well and truly outdated.
Having a significant life relationship legally recognised, without the weight of traditions, is appealing to those who seek a balanced landscape upon which to honour and celebrate their union. Partnership is about equality.
A common question from fellow celebrants is: what’s the difference between a wedding ceremony and a civil-partnership ceremony? It’s understandable that there might be some confusion because of it being quite new to our understanding of what ‘bonds’ a couple in the eyes of others and the law.
A wedding ceremony (including contemporary and alternative ones) tends to share common themes such as traditional rituals like the processional of the bride, the bride being given away, the giving of rings, pledges/vows, and primarily the language used: husband and wife (wife and wife, husband and husband), marriage, and so on. These are so engrained in our cultural wedding traditions that we expect to see these in a bonding ceremony, even those with an alternative flair.
Loz and I the moment we see his beloved Kate arriving to join us and their guests beside the waterfall.
When I train celebrants, we talk about what makes a marriage commitment real. Is it the legal document the couple signs? Is it the wedding ceremony they share with friends and family? Indeed, does an elopement with only two witnesses constitute the same level of commitment as a ceremony with many witnesses? Is marriage God ordained? Does the legal signing of a document bond a couple? All these questions are important to ask, and from a celebrant point of view, I believe it is vital that we understand our own beliefs about relationships and bonding. What do we, as celebrants, energetically bring to the unions (traditional or otherwise) that we are so privileged to be part of?
Who decides if a bond is valid and/or sacred? Who has the right to ordain this? What words or actions need to be spoken or enacted to give credence to this rite of passage? Indeed, is a bonding ceremony considered meaningful only if it is in tandem with the legal contract? (which is essentially notification to the government about a change in taxation status [read that bit about the legal contract again])
It is because of all these questions/answers, and more, that some couples are turning towards civil partnership. Apart from the uninspiring label (no doubt decided upon by a civil servant), what couples like these are looking for is to have their loving relationship recognised for the co-creative equal union that it is, and in some cases they’re quite happy to sign the legal document and then carry on with life as per normal while enjoying the financial benefits that this brings.
For others, they wish to bring in the simplicity and balance that comes with identifying as partners rather than traditional titles but would also like a ceremony to share their commitment in front of loved ones. From a ceremony-creation point of view, this can still be as beautiful, romantic, creative, life affirming, and rich with symbolism, as any traditional wedding ceremony or alternative one. My job, as ever, is about creating a ceremony which reflects whatever is meaningful to the couples I work with, and which honours the truth about their lives and choices.
With the rise of celebrant-led wedding ceremonies in England, and registrars now offering ‘bespoke’ ceremonies, it’s important for couples to understand the difference between when a celebrantcreates a bespoke ceremony and when a registrar offers a bespoke ceremony. Let me say at the outset, they are nothing alike, though you may think for the £850 or so that a registrar may charge you’ll be getting something special.
Penelope and Freddie’s Askham Hall Wedding Ceremony. Photography by Hannah Hall.
As a celebrant, I spend an average of 20 hours per wedding couple. This includes getting to know them (face to face or by Skype, depending on if they’re in the country or not), truly understanding their beliefs about life and love and marriage, learning their love story as well as their hopes and dreams for married life, writing their ceremony script, meeting them at the venue before the wedding day, the day of the ceremony, spending hours rehearsing their ceremony so that it flows freely and is ‘off the page’ during the officiating, and travel time. The 20 to 30 minute ceremony I officiate on the day, rests on the foundation of a lot of unseen work.
Fiona and Paul’s Dutch-themed wedding ceremony at the beautiful Askham Hall, near Penrith, Cumbria.
Bespoke, to me, means that not only do I get to know the couple and build a meaningful relationship with them, but I write a script that is just for them. I am hugely invested in their wedding day, and this shows by the amount of time I spend per couple. In my work, the heart of their ceremony features their love story. Any rituals created are meaningful to them and their beliefs; they’re not simply space fillers or ‘off the shelf’. And just as importantly, I match my energy to theirs.
The gorgeous moment when the bride walks down the aisle.
A registrar doesn’t write a bespoke ceremony for the couple. End of. They use a templated script which was written by a colleague in the office (someone who won’t even meet the couple), and although it allows for the addition of a handfasting, possibly a quaich or sand-blending ceremony (even though registrars aren’t given professional training about handfastings or other rituals), the ritual scripts are templates. The couple must provide their own cord, cup or sand. To be clear, a registrar is not a specialist in rituals.
The bride’s Scottish grandmother offered her silver quaich (Scottish loving cup) for their ceremony at Askham Hall. Photo: Veronika Robinson
With a government ‘bespoke’ template, the couple may write their own vows, and choose readings and music. However, these MUST be approved by the registrar (how bespoke is that?) and must not contain any religious or spiritual elements. Interesting, really, that a handfasting would even be allowed (ditto humanists offering it) given that it has ancient pagan roots and is deeply spiritual.
Inconsistencies abound.
Today is the one-year anniversary of when I officiated Rene and Chantal’s ceremony in Outback Australia.
As an independent celebrant, bespoke to me means the ceremony I create is unique to the couple. If one of them is Catholic and the other Jewish, or maybe one is Pagan and one is atheist, then the ceremony will reflect their beliefs (not mine or that of a government employee). When two people come together, as one, their ceremony needs to accurately reflect this.
Rene and Chantal’s handfasting. Photo by Ben Broady.
A celebrant-led bespoke ceremony is not restricted by government guidelines. A registrar’s ‘bespoke’ ceremony is simply another template with space to pop in some vows written by the couple. There’s no crafting, beauty, care or true personalisation allowed. And there most certainly isn’t recognition or reflection that each human being has beliefs that are unique to them.
Michael and Victoria’s bohemian wedding
To be 100% clear, the registrar taking your ‘bespoke’ ceremony will not have written you a unique script. The words they say aren’t even ones they’ve written themselves. They are, essentially, ‘rent a gob’, to put it crudely. When a skilled celebrant crafts a script, it is done with awareness of pace, pitch and pause; not to mention beauty, flair and creativity. Their script will also accurately reflect their natural vocabulary and the words will flow easily.
My lovely couple, Loz and Katie, tied the knot by a waterfall in rural Yorkshire.
The registrar will not have spent hours and hours getting to know you. And they certainly won’t be available to wait around if there’s a delay to your ceremony start e.g. rain or bride held up or some other reason why things haven’t gone to plan. As a matter of course, I don’t book more than one wedding per day. My couples know, with complete certainty, that if there’s any hiccup that might cause a delay, that I am theirs for the day. A registrar, in most cases, has another ceremony to go to and won’t wait for long.
The use of the word ‘bespoke’ by the registration service is, at best, misleading, and at worst, demeaning. It shows a complete misunderstanding of what bespoke means, and short changes a couple of what could be a truly personalised ceremony.
Michael and Sara live in Australia. They chose Cumbria for their wedding ceremony. Such a special day!
“So many people have commented on how lovely it was, and how amazing you are. It was everything we hoped it would be and more.” ~ Fiona and Paul
When Paul and Fiona first made contact with me, we chatted about all the options available to them with a celebrant-led wedding. As Paul is Dutch (and so is Fiona’s mother), it was clear that their ceremony simply had to have their ancestry strongly entwined in their day.
Personally, I love heading off to Askham Hall to officiate a ceremony. It’s a delightful venue both in terms of the history of the buildings but also the gorgeous gardens.
It was my honour to create a ceremony that Paul and Fiona would cherish.
https://veronikarobinson.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/5fp.jpg900720Veronika Sophia Robinsonhttps://veronikarobinson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/logo-1.pngVeronika Sophia Robinson2018-06-19 11:59:172018-06-19 11:59:17An Askham Hall Wedding: I Came Here for Love
This week I had the pleasure of officiating a ceremony for Michael and Victoria. They chose a bohemian-themed, personalised, celebrant-led wedding at Watermillock, Cumbria. Their ceremony included a communal ring blessing and a Celtic handfasting.
Thank you for choosing me as your celebrant, Michael and Victoria!
If you’re a bride and groom with a fondness for Nature, then it’s likely that a woodland wedding is most definitely something you’d consider.
In the UK, it’s surprising how many couples are still unaware that there are alternatives to a church wedding or one in a registry office or registered hotel. In much the same way as you might register a baby’s birth and then have a naming ceremony later, or register a loved one’s death and choose a special venue for the funeral ceremony, the same goes for a wedding. Do the legal ‘contract’ at the registry office, but have the wedding in the place of your dreams.
Why a woodland wedding?
A study in 2004 showed that people who walked in woodland had lowered blood pressure, heart rate and an improved immune system. Those who stopped to admire a woodland view for 20 minutes had a 13% reduction in the stress hormone cortisol. The Japanese call this forest bathing (shinrin-yoku). So, while your guests are witnessing you say ‘for as long as this love shall last’, you’re all being imbued with the positive energy of a woodland.
Have you ever noticed how differently you feel when you’re out in Nature compared to when you’ve been in the car for a while or in a shopping centre? All around us are molecules, invisible to the human eye, known as negative ions, which are tasteless, have no odour, and which we breathe in. By breathing in these ions, a biochemical reaction happens once they reach our bloodstream. In turn, serotonin is released which allows us relief from stress or depression, and lifts our energy.
Negative ions help to increase the flow of oxygen to our brain. When this happens, we feel lighter, alert and have more mental stamina.
Many people have become desensitised to the artificial nature of the life they live. If you’re someone who must have fresh air in a room, you’re sensitive to negative ions and often feel euphoric when in the heart of Nature.
Negative ions are felt most tangibly after a thunderstorm, near falling or flowing water, waves lapping on the seashore, in a woodland, Summer rain, snow fall, in sunshine, and when plants produce water evaporation.
You might think the word positive means ‘good’, but in the case of ions, the opposite is true. These ions range from germs, viruses, dust, bacteria, pollen, cooking odours, to toxic residues from furnishings and pets.
So not only is a woodland wedding a great choice ecologically and aesthetically, it’s great for your health.
A woodland wedding can be beautiful and simple, allowing you an elegant and natural backdrop to the essence of your relationship. The natural colours from the earth, such as greens, tans, browns and off white can be incorporated into your wedding designs. You can use moss or twigs as centre pieces. Why not create a wedding arch from wood or branches? With a woodland as your décor, you couldn’t ask for a more beautiful wedding setting.
Veronika Robinson has been officiating weddings since 1995. She trained at Unity Church in Auckland, New Zealand, and was authorised to conduct legal weddings under the New Thought Ministries umbrella. She has a deep love of the sacred, and derives great joy from creating, writing and officiating ceremonies for people. She specialises in handfastings, but is equally at home conducting more formal weddings, as well as namings, blessingways, vow renewals and funerals. Veronika officiates ceremonies throughout Cumbria, northern Lancashire and Southern Scotland, and is particularly fond of outdoor ceremonies. www.veronikarobinson.com/celebrant
Are you looking for a celebrant in Cumbria? I trained as a celebrant in 1995 (Auckland, New Zealand), and am available to officiate ceremonies throughout Cumbria: weddings, handfastings, same-sex unions, vow renewals, namings, housewarmings, graduations, coming of age, crone ceremonies, funerals, memorials and any other rite of passage.
If you need to organise a funeral or memorial service, I am happy to work with your chosen funeral director or can work directly with families who wish to be autonomous from a funeral home and plan a DIY ceremony.
I’m a member of the Association of Independent Celebrants, and featured as a preferred supplier on Easy Weddings.
I offer a reduced rate for Wednesday Weddings for those couples planning to marry midweek.
Please do get in touch if you’d like an obligation-free chat in person or by Skype about your ceremony plans. ~ Veronika x
More often than not, as a mother it can feel like we’re constantly on the go.
There’s a reason why motherhood is unpaid. No one could afford us! Even with one daughter now in university, and the other doing A levels, I feel just as busy as when they were toddlers. Sometimes, more so.
I remember those days when I had just one daughter ~ that glorious first year of parenting where I swear I was the best mother in the world. I was, actually. I loved motherhood!
There’s a question a man asked me during that time, and it was this: so what do you do all day?
Some men just have NO idea! Although my parenting looks different now than it did 18 years ago, one thing is clear: motherhood doesn’t come with annual holidays!
I decide to write down what I did yesterday. It looked like this:
6am Woke up and practised Hoʻoponopono (ho-o-pono-pono) ~ an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. http://www.hooponopono.org/
Stood on the porch breathing in the fresh smell of a new day (one of my favourite pick-me-ups), then loaded up an armful of firewood to light the upstairs fire so it would be cosy when Eliza, my 16-year-old, woke up sometime mid morning.
Made lunch for my husband to take to work.
Had a luxurious hot shower and ate breakfast.
8.30am Drove him to work (he works as Santa Claus each year at Center Parcs during November and December)
9.30 Home again
Edited two articles for Starflower Living magazine while Eliza was still sleeping. http://www.starflowerpress.com/living/index.shtml
Moved three loads of firewood up the garden.
Vacuumed upstairs and downstairs lounge rooms. Cleaned the kitchen floor.
Cleaned bathroom and ensuite.
Put on a load of washing.
Folded a load of washing from two days ago. It seems to take forever to dry clothes at this time of year!
Hung up new load of washing to dry by the woodstove.
Ordered Heart of the Labyrinth (by Nicole Schwab). See how easy it is to sneak in a bit of self-love into the day?
Chatted with a friend who popped by with some awesome photos from her world travels (see them in issue 6 of Starflower Living).
12.30 Drove my daughter to her job as a catering assistant at the gym café.
Picked up some vegetables at the shop.
Danced a jig in Sainsbury’s car park (about 50 times) upon learning my brother and his fantastic partner have finally got engaged (so looking forward to an Outback Wedding in Australia! Whoop Whoop!!!! I’ve been asked to be the celebrant. WHAT AN HONOUR!)
1.30pm Drove home again singing very loudly!
Unpacked shopping.
Baked a gluten-free apple and cinnamon cake with almond crumble for Saturday night dessert.
Washed dishes (I’m sure they breed all on their own!)
Chopped kindling (unsuccessfully)
Laid out kindling and wood in downstairs fire so it was ready to light when we got in.
Took out compost.
Took phone call from hyper uni daughter (something about hair dye and train ticket home for Christmas and asking me what I’m going to cook when she visits for a couple of days this week. Oh the pressure!)
Fed cat. Gave said cat lecture about starving cats in Africa and not to turn his nose up at the food in his dish!
2pm Fed myself.
Washed more dishes.
Proofread some more of Transcend (the third book in Eliza’s Three Stages trilogy)
4.45pm Drove back to town. Sang loudly to Kenny Chesney to wake myself up.
Spent an hour at the gym in fitness suite until Eliza finished work.
Hung out with my daughter for an hour at Costa and chatted about philosophers while waiting for husband to finish work at 6.30pm. She’d received a Kahlil Gibran book in the post from my mum that morning, and was loving it.
Home just after 7pm.
Lit downstairs fire.
Had dinner together (so glad I made it early in the day!)
Watched some Nashville to unwind (my favourite show)
Spent a few minutes reading a book called When I Loved Myself Enough.
Husband (gorgeous man that he is) massaged my back and Eliza’s with magnesium oil. http://drsircus.com/books/e-book/transdermal-magnesium-therapy/
I’m sooooooooo ready for bed. Just want to collapse!
10pm
When I’m at my most exhausted, my daughter will ask for a cuddle before bed.
“Cuddle” is code for: can I lie on your bed with you and talk? These ‘talks’ can last a very long time, and boy do I get into trouble if I dare close my eyes or start snoring!
Today is Sunday
And guess what? I get to do all that again today, though in a somewhat different order!
By 8.30, we headed out the door so I could drop Paul and Eliza off at work for her 9am start. I’d been awake a couple of hours. Made their lunches, and managed to have a shower and eat some breakfast.
By 9.20, after dropping Paul off, I am in the gym. During my work out I enjoy listening to Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ audio The Dangerous Old Woman.
By 11am, I am home again. A few hours reprieve until I pick Eliza up at 2pm, bring her home, and then go back to town to get Paul tonight at 6.30.
I chop kindling, and carry an armful of wood to my writing room. While that’s lighting, I head downstairs and put on a load of Eliza’s washing. The kettle has boiled. Me time! I brew a mug of dandelion and burdock tea and grab a handful of walnuts.
Feel immense gratitude that there is some leftover celery soup on the stove that I can eat for lunch. It’s also a reminder to make more soup for Eliza to take to school tomorrow.
I light a stick of Nag Champa incense. It’s the smell of home. My home. I feel myself relax.
However, I’m conscious of all the jobs that need doing: vege beds need weeding before the snow comes. A massive pile of twigs and branches needs burning. The paths need sweeping of leaves and moss so nobody slips when coming or going from the house.
The skirting boards need the dust coming off.
I want to prepare the spare bedroom for Bethany’s flying visit this week. Eliza moved into her bedroom when she left for uni, so I need to make sure her new room feels ‘comfy’ for her. (Even when they leave home, the mothering doesn’t stop!)
Not today. None of the jobs will happen today.
For now, it’s just me: a cup of tea, a room that smells great, and the crackle of the fire. Just me, and the sound of the click of the keyboard. Peace.
Mothering can feel like being tethered to the kitchen sink. And some days, it is literally like that. But, as with anything in life, we have a choice. We always have a choice. The sink can be a refuge. My hands in hot water for ten minutes warms me up beautifully. It’s a time to look out the window and relax into the view of the trees or enjoy watching the birds.
My two hours spent in the car (over three journeys each day this weekend) can be a time to chat with my family, or, when I’m on my own, to have thinking time or listen to Mozart or other music depending on my mood.
I learnt early on, as a journalist, to be constantly aware of my surroundings. My list above doesn’t include the red squirrel I delighted in seeing this morning as I drove through a beautiful forest, or the lovely smile from a man at the gym.
It doesn’t include the great text message which made my day. Nor does it include all the spaces in between.
For example, moving firewood up the garden, while being a chore, is also a wonderful time to breathe fresh air, run my fingers along the cypress or grab a raspberry. The joy of planting Autumn Bliss raspberries is that you can actually have the pleasure of eating fresh, in-season, fruit in November!
Finding joy in our mothering is about embracing the jobs we do, but also breathing in the spaces that are inbetween. It’s allowing ourselves to see and feel motherhood as a moving meditation. Folding my daughter’s laundry is a time to slow down and realise that she, too, like her older sister, will soon be out in the world.
Taking out the compost and giving myself a minute to stand under the trees gives me a chance to say ‘thanks’ for being in a country and time in history that offers me fresh fruit and vegetables. I will never forget my mother, born in wart-time Germany, telling me the only time they had fresh fruit was at Christmas. It was simply unaffordable.
Moving firewood gives me a chance to be thankful that we have both the luxury and necessity of having a natural element in our home.
Washing dishes is a moment to be grateful that I’m not a beggar or eating food from bins. I have dishes. I have a home. I have a kitchen sink. Got dishes to wash? Suck it up, princess!
Every job of mothering is a gift that allows us, if we choose, to go within. We can feel like slaves, duty-bound to the constant needs of a family, or we can act like a goddess and go gracefully through the day.
In astrology, motherhood is represented by the zodiac sign, Cancer (nurturing). While this is largely what we do, I often feel that the sign Virgo would be more appropriate. It is the sign of service. And isn’t that what we do, as mothers? We serve.
www.veronikarobinson.com/celebrant
