Posts

 

Increasingly, people are seeing marriage, and certainly the patriarchal or religious influences around that institution, to be archaic. Indeed, at the time of writing, there is currently a long-awaited review into marriage laws as they are well and truly outdated.

Having a significant life relationship legally recognised, without the weight of traditions, is appealing to those who seek a balanced landscape upon which to honour and celebrate their union. Partnership is about equality.

 

A common question from fellow celebrants is: what’s the difference between a wedding ceremony and a civil-partnership ceremony? It’s understandable that there might be some confusion because of it being quite new to our understanding of what ‘bonds’ a couple in the eyes of others and the law.

 

A wedding ceremony (including contemporary and alternative ones) tends to share common themes such as traditional rituals like the processional of the bride, the bride being given away, the giving of rings, pledges/vows, and primarily the language used: husband and wife (wife and wife, husband and husband), marriage, and so on. These are so engrained in our cultural wedding traditions that we expect to see these in a bonding ceremony, even those with an alternative flair.

Loz and I the moment we see his beloved Kate arriving to join us and their guests beside the waterfall.

When I train celebrants, we talk about what makes a marriage commitment real. Is it the legal document the couple signs? Is it the wedding ceremony they share with friends and family? Indeed, does an elopement with only two witnesses constitute the same level of commitment as a ceremony with many witnesses? Is marriage God ordained? Does the legal signing of a document bond a couple? All these questions are important to ask, and from a celebrant point of view, I believe it is vital that we understand our own beliefs about relationships and bonding. What do we, as celebrants, energetically bring to the unions (traditional or otherwise) that we are so privileged to be part of?

Who decides if a bond is valid and/or sacred? Who has the right to ordain this? What words or actions need to be spoken or enacted to give credence to this rite of passage? Indeed, is a bonding ceremony considered meaningful only if it is in tandem with the legal contract? (which is essentially notification to the government about a change in taxation status [read that bit about the legal contract again])

 

It is because of all these questions/answers, and more, that some couples are turning towards civil partnership. Apart from the uninspiring label (no doubt decided upon by a civil servant), what couples like these are looking for is to have their loving relationship recognised for the co-creative equal union that it is, and in some cases they’re quite happy to sign the legal document and then carry on with life as per normal while enjoying the financial benefits that this brings.

For others, they wish to bring in the simplicity and balance that comes with identifying as partners rather than traditional titles but would also like a ceremony to share their commitment in front of loved ones. From a ceremony-creation point of view, this can still be as beautiful, romantic, creative, life affirming, and rich with symbolism, as any traditional wedding ceremony or alternative one. My job, as ever, is about creating a ceremony which reflects whatever is meaningful to the couples I work with, and which honours the truth about their lives and choices.

 

 

Veronika Robinson is a celebrant in Cumbria and has officiated all manner of ceremonies, internationally, since 1995. www.veronikarobinson.com/celebrant She’s the editor of The Celebrant magazine www.thecelebrantmagazine.co.uk and celebrant trainer at Heart-led Ceremonies Celebrant Training. www.veronikarobinson.com/celebrant-training

Veronika is currently the president of the Association of Independent Celebrants (AOIC).

 

 

 

“So many people have commented on how lovely it was, and how amazing you are. It was everything we hoped it would be and more.” ~ Fiona and Paul

 

When Paul and Fiona first made contact with me, we chatted about all the options available to them with a celebrant-led wedding. As Paul is Dutch (and so is Fiona’s mother), it was clear that their ceremony simply had to have their ancestry strongly entwined in their day.

 

Personally, I love heading off to Askham Hall to officiate a ceremony. It’s a delightful venue both in terms of the history of the buildings but also the gorgeous gardens.

 

It was my honour to create a ceremony that Paul and Fiona would cherish.

 

Have a look at this video preview of their day.

 

www.veronikarobinson.com/celebrant

 

 

 

Long gone are the days when you ‘had’ to get married before you had a baby. Shot gun weddings were designed to cover up ‘mistakes’. Such silly rules humans make for themselves.

 

Yesterday a friend shared his wonderful engagement news. It made my husband and I so happy. That he has two sons from this loving relationship already, simply added to our joy. It also reminded me of my own wedding two decades ago. I was a breastfeeding bride, with a bonny 10-month-old baby girl. She accompanied her father and I as we walked up the aisle together of that wee chapel the day after my 29th birthday.

Although we have it in our cultural mind that the wedding day is about the bride and groom, for many couples tied in with their plans for married life is the hope, the promise, the dream of having a family. Could it be that their unborn children are already there, with them, energetically moving them forward to the time when they’ll arrive Earthside?

For those couples who arrive at their wedding day already with a child or children, these living, moving, breathing beings are a testament to the power of love, creation and joy. There’s such a beautiful power and depth that already having a family brings to a wedding day.

 

Having a child or children at a wedding expands the sense of love that is present. And this is true whether the child is our own or will become our ‘step’ child. Love is love is love.

Just as children are both witnesses and participants to our love as a couple, so too can they be both of these things at our wedding ceremony. There are countless beautiful ways to have children actively involved that go beyond carrying the rings or flowers.

It was your love that brought your child into this beautiful world, and it is love that brings you to your wedding day. The simple truth is: you can’t have too much love!

Veronika Robinson is an independent celebrant living in rural Cumbria. She’s been officiating ceremonies since 1995 (when she felt the first fluttery kicks of her baby daughter growing steadily inside her). Veronika creates, writes and officiates blessingways, naming, weddings, handfastings, funerals and memorials. www.veronikarobinson.com/celebrant