Each night, when my body is fast asleep, there’s a whole cinematic thing going on in my head. Sometimes I swear I’m busier at night than I am in the entire day. One of last night’s dreams really spoke to me, though it clearly didn’t feel comfortable at the time.

I was somewhere between Cumbria and Yorkshire, standing in a small village, and I was completely naked. I had no idea how I got there, and I didn’t know where my husband was. I had no phone to make contact with him to bring me clothing.

People were looking at me, and men were grabbing my breasts. Even the women were looking me up and down. I asked around for some clothing to wrap around me. Eventually I had a small tablecloth that I could stretch around my waist. It was a little wider than Eve’s fig leaf!

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Nakedness is interesting, on many levels. It’s a taboo in our culture, unless of course you’re some scantily clad thing on a trashy tabloid newspaper whose thong choice leaves little to the imagination.

Clothing separates us from others. It may be used for fashion, though in my case it’s nearly always used for warmth!

As a cook, I adore naked food: produce fresh from the garden. Meals made from scratch. I can’t abide soup from a tin, for example. In my food choices, I seek out ‘real’. I want to know every last ingredient in the meals I eat.

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My dream clarified something for me: that as much as I walk a path with the goal of being authentic (naked), there will always be those who will try to cover up people like me. Why? Because our nakedness causes others to question their coverings. In fact, cover up actually means ‘shut up’. We do this with clothing, but we also do it to babies every time we shove a dummy in their mouths. We don’t want to hear them.

I mean, imagine this: you’re in town, doing your shopping, and you see Jane Smith. She comes wandering out of a shop wearing…well, nothing. Starkers, she is.

 

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And you? You’re in your knee-high black boots, and that gorgeous cashmere cardigan. Jane is delighted to see you and starts to chat. But where do you look? At the sky? At the brass band busking over by the delicatessen? You can’t look at her waist, or between her legs. Jeez, of course not! And what about her breasts? That would be a bit, well, creepy, right? Breasts are only for selling cars, real estate, coffee, shopping malls, and diamonds.

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The truth is, you’re both coming from a different place. Can you, in all honesty, look at Jane—look at all of Jane—and be comfortable? It’s highly unlikely (apart from the small detail that someone would have had her arrested before you came along). Ours is a culture of shame, blame, fear, dishonesty.

I watch Jeremy Corbyn take centre stage in British politics right now and want to yell: “LOVE YOUR NAKEDNESS, JEREMY!”

He’s being authentic. He’s speaking his truth. Interesting how quickly MPs scuttled away when his voice was starting to really be heard. They didn’t want to be associated with that naked man! And how fascinating is it to see the ‘true colours’ of politicians like David Cameron become almost neon-like as they flash their distaste.

 

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The truth is we’re unlikely to become a culture that gives people the right to be naked. But what about the other ways in which we can be naked? We don’t need culture’s approval to be authentic. We might be shamed, or legally bullied, into wearing clothes, but no one can force us to cover our true nature.

 

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When we come to love who we are, and to value our place on this earth, then we won’t even bother with a fig leaf; not for ourselves, and not to protect others.

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Our values, our beliefs, our passions ~ they don’t need hiding. They do, however, need honouring. I read a lovely quote the other day. It was something like ‘self-esteem is the reputation you have of yourself’. Wow! What does this say about the majority of people? Few people have a healthy self-esteem (please don’t confuse someone’s arrogance or bullish behaviour as high self-esteem; it’s quite the opposite).

If you had a great reputation (of yourself), you would have no need to ‘dress’.

We wear ‘psychological’ garments every time we hide our truth, regardless of whether it’s over a small issue or something that’s hugely important to us. Living a life of compromise means that we start to have ‘emotional’ leakages somewhere. Generally, such leakages end up causing disease as the physical body tries to process what the mind and emotions have been denied. A really good example of this is when someone we love dies. Our culture is not set up for grief. Yes, you can have a few days off work, but by heck when you get back for God’s sake don’t cry in front of anyone. The grief of losing someone can take years to process. Imagine what it does to us when we’re forced to contain that pain so we don’t upset others (with our nakedness). Our body pays the price.

In what ways are you covering up? Do you keep a fig leaf (or banana leaf) nearby so that others don’t have to see who you really are?

#my500words

 

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There was a time in my life I’d go into hiding when Mercury retrograde came to town. That was before I understood his vital message: chill out!

Ah yes, that trickster of a planet seemed to trigger all sorts of annoying things: computer breakdowns, loss of data, car repairs, miscommunications, emails sent to/received from the wrong person, identity theft, stolen bank cards, just to name a few things!

I have come to see that these few times a year when Mercury slows down, stations, and appears retrograde for a few weeks before going direct again, as a gift from the heavens. Sometimes gifts are wrapped in newspaper so we don’t recognise them straight away.

In mythology, Mercury is the Winged Messenger. Mercury rules communication, contracts, short journeys, vehicles, siblings, information, writing, speaking, books, and other ways in which we learn and share information.

Given the nature of the culture we’ve created: where we can literally be awake 24/7, and there’s always something to do or rolling news, it’s no surprise that the Messenger slowing down might energetically cause a bit of havoc! We’re not designed to live such hectic lives. It’s not natural. Mercury slowing down is a bit like a Pendolino train suddenly braking. All the passengers move forward with a hell of a jolt. People scramble all over the place, disoriented. When eventually the train slowly moves forward, and then finally gets back to full speed, things are never the same as they were before.

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Mercury rules both Gemini and Virgo. When it runs amok during a retrograde you can almost bet it will display the ‘two-faced’ energy (twins) of Gemini. This is NOT a time to sign contracts. You will not be in full receipt of the information needed to make an informed decision. Be aware of fraudsters. I also recommend not buying a car, laptop or other piece of electrical equipment at this time. Some see this time as a ‘communication crisis’, and it can indeed feel like it. Dot your Is. Cross your Ts. Double check where your email is going. Be mindful of how you speak to others.

Back up your computers. Charge your phones. Read everything carefully. Leave the signing of important documents until Mercury is direct and out of its shadow phase.

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What I can recommend is that you make the most of the approximately three weeks to utilise the Virgoan energy of Mercury: revise, review, recycle, revision. Edit. That’s a key word for Virgo. Virgoans are masters of picking poppy seeds from the soil. So, rather than start any new projects at this time, go over what you have already done. Take the time to really study things in detail.

Our car has decided, in true Merc. X style, to need major mechanical work. (I always feel the energy of a retrograde at least a week before it stations.) I could have raised my hands to the heavens cursing this unnecessary expense, but while we wait for this job to be done and I’m ‘housebound’, I am making the most of ‘going over things’. I am writing, editing my book, and checking over paperwork. My stationary car, annoying as it is to be stranded when you live eight miles from town, is gifting me with the opportunity of having time where I’m not running around trying to fit too many things into my day. Apart from feeding my family, and the cat, my only other ‘job’ is to write. I’ll take my blessings where I can.

This upcoming Mercury retrograde is in the social sign of Libra. This sign is known as the ‘charmer’ of the zodiac, and we associate its energy with peace, love, harmony, beauty, refinement and mediation. Beware, though, as Libra is the only sign of the zodiac which is represented by an inanimate object: the scales of justice. It can bring fairness, but we have to remember it rules the mind, not the heart.

Mercury transiting Libra may shine energy on legal issues, as well as relationships. Use this time to seek out peaceful resolution or mediation. While Mercury is on sabbatical, we would be best to ask ourselves how our relationships, intimate or otherwise, reflect who we are. What does the ‘other’ show us about ourselves?

If ever there’s a time to realise you can’t control how others behave, it’s during Merc x. Remember, though, that this is an outer manifestation. There is nothing to stop you, or me, being fully conscious of what is going on in our inner terrain. And really, that’s the point of this cycle. I believe, particularly with this retro being in Libra, we need to look at the relationship we have with ourselves. Do we really know who we are? Are we willing to be emotionally intimate and honest with our inner self?

What I love most about the study of astrology is summed up best with: as above, so below.

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You see, the planets don’t control us or ‘make’ things happen. They emit energies that we tune into, individually and consciously. The best advice for Mercury retrograde is to go within. Get to know who you really are. Your relationships and the way you communicate with others can only improve as a result.

Mercury also rules the nervous system, so tend to it with B12 or magnesium if you need to stop those eyes twitching, sleep better at night, stop restless legs, or want to feel more zen.

Let me know how you experience this Mercury retrograde. Love, Veronika x

#my500words

Hello to you on this beautiful Autumnal evening. I trust your day has been loving, gentle and beautiful.

 

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Do you go through life wondering what this human existence is all about? Do you feel out of place in this world? Sometimes I’m sure I must have arrived from some other planet. It’s one of the reasons I love being a writer. I can create worlds that I’d love to live in.

I have a beautiful life, and am grateful for the kind and wonderful souls who are part of it, whether they live close by or far away. They give me a sense of being part of this world in a way I might not if I didn’t know them.

This afternoon I said to my husband that when I wake up in the morning I have this inbuilt expectation that something wonderful is going to happen in the day. Perhaps I take being an optimist to the extreme, but I’d certainly rather live this way than wake up with low-grade anxiety or a feeling of dread. Before I step out of my cosy bed, I give thanks for my life. I then say quiet, gentle words such as “I Create My Day”. There’s no fanfare or drama. It’s a statement of fact. I think through the things I may have planned, or what I’d like to accomplish, and imagine them going smoothly and easily. We may not be able to control life but we can certainly put ourselves in the right mindset to expect the best.

I saw a beautiful postcard once which had the words: The meaning of life is…

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The final word or words were covered by a flowering bush. It frustrated me for years! I know now, though, without doubt, that the meaning of life is…whatever meaning we give it.

The values we hold as important are with us night and day. They shine through us and are what draw (or repel) people around us.

To live a purposeful life is based on awareness, listening to ourselves, and finding pleasure in our passions. There is more to life than going out and getting a job to pay the bills. Our lives are precious, and when we really understand what that means then we make changes (first to our belief system) to create days which mirror what is in our heart.

Too often we put up roadblocks to our joy, success, curiosity and love. Perhaps we live in fear about what other people might think of our choices. Those people don’t have to walk in your shoes. You do. If you find the shoes uncomfortable, or you don’t like the view on your journey, then you know what? Ditch the shoes. You can change direction. You can step off the path. You don’t even have to wait for a crossroads. Get out your scythe and determine the life you want to live. You don’t need anyone’s permission. You will never have this day again. Don’t waste it.

Living a life of purpose means we awaken to our sacred origin: that of being a creator. There is no creation quite as unique as handcrafting the life you choose to live, and the choices you make. Isn’t that one of the most exciting things about being human? Nothing is set in stone. Whatever challenge is before us, we can choose to see it differently. We choose. No one can make us feel anything unless we give them permission. But isn’t it easy to get cross and blame others when things aren’t going the way we want? We don’t have to let others steal our joy.

And this is at the heart of what it means to live on purpose. We become so attuned with who we are, and what our needs are, that we don’t become tainted with the toxicity of others in the same way we might have done in the past.

Today I purposefully gathered herbs from the garden to put into the soup I was making, and gave thanks for the handsome bunch of bay leaves my friend Denise had given me a couple of weeks ago. A gorgeous gift straight from her garden. I imagined her standing in the kitchen with me, us both laughing so hard we couldn’t stand up straight.

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Around the 100-year-old dining table, I took time to savour the black bean minestrone. With my husband and our younger daughter beside me, I gave thanks for this precious family time.

In the course of my day, I tended to my work: writing my novel. I’ve spent time in South Carolina at a remote lighthouse, and then drove towards Tennessee. Juice from a plump ripe peach dripped down my chin (well, my character’s chin). I’ve heard frogs sing, and eaten corn chowder. In my writing life I have many wonderful experiences, but the truth is that my ‘real’ life is no less pleasurable. The sensations I have when I witness the first sunflower come into bloom or taste a perfectly ripe tomato with red onion and fresh basil leaves or watch the full Moon rise over the hills are just as enlivening as when I have a book published. One experience isn’t ‘better’ than the other. To live on purpose means every experience is deeply meaningful and enriching.

Today I spent time outside and enjoyed sunshine. The cat and I had a deep and meaningful conversation.

Last night I dreamt about someone I’ve not seen for a few months, and then today he was at my front door. I do believe that when we live on purpose our dream life and/intuition become finely honed.

Throughout the day I’ve enjoyed hugs with my husband. There’s always that moment when, with my head resting against his shoulder, I get to smell his skin. Every single time, I come alive. Without doubt, it’s one of my favourite places to hang out! I wouldn’t trade that for all the fame and fortune in the world. Ever.

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I have come to understand the true meaning of what money can’t buy, and that clarity of purpose refines our values every single day.

Living a life of purpose isn’t necessarily about doing something big and grand in the world for millions of people to notice. For me, as a writer, it’s not where my book is ranked on Amazon or how many retweets I get or likes on Facebook. It’s about the small things. Does my work having meaning? Am I passionate about writing? Do my words change lives? Have I helped just one person see their life differently?

The ordinary things become extraordinary simply because we have taken the time to notice them. When we live, move and have our being in gratitude then we do indeed live purposefully. It’s impossible not to. A purposeful life is one where we don’t apologise for who we are and the space we take up on this planet.

In what ways are you living a life of purpose? What has the most meaning to you? Love, Veronika x

#my500words

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In a year from now, my baby girl will leave the nest. What a joy, honour and privilege it has to been to raise our two beautiful daughters. Not that every day has been easy, of course. But here, as I watch the next year unfold before me with far more speed than should be humanly possible, I can’t help but contemplate the years ahead.

I have smiled and empathised this week as I’ve read friends updates on Facebook, posting pictures of their young children heading off to school for the first time. If only they knew that the tears were in preparation for that day when their child leaves home to fly away.

When Bethany left home a year ago for university, I swore my heart broke in two. The realisation that my hands-on parenting days were over hit me like a sledge hammer. I can’t tell you how good it has been to have her home for the summer, and to feed her home-made meals and snuggle up on the sofa. I suspect, though, that whatever a mother feels when her first child leaves home is matched equally by the last child going. First child. Last child. Separation is separation. But that bond of love? It can’t be broken.

 

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Our cottage in the depths of Winter. Inside, a roaring fire, creativity, cups of hot tea, and laughter.

Much has been written about empty-nest syndrome, and how much some women can suffer when their babes leave. I imagine this is probably even more so for women who’ve been stay-at-home mothers, or who have home educated and are used to the constant companionship of their children.

My question is this: do our children really leave behind an empty nest?
Of course not! I, for one, hope to be sitting here with Papa Bird in a year from now, preening each other’s feathers, whistling our happy tunes. Our dreams for each other, and for life, won’t suddenly come to an end. Just as leaving home is a new beginning for our children, so it is for us. We’re excited about the years ahead that we’ll have together as a couple.

It isn’t emptiness that we’ll be in, but a home that has been filled with love, crazy conversations, triumphs, trauma, oodles of creativity, side-splitting laughter, and oh so much more. My heart won’t suddenly shrink because my children have left home. They have given me nearly 20 years of love, and that isn’t something which simply vanishes when they step out the door. My children’s laughter, questions, dreams and hopes are etched into this home as much as they are in my heart.

 

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I have given my all as a mother, and the majority of that time included being an attachment parent, and a home-educating mum. The years ahead offer me the ‘me time’ that isn’t so easy to create when you’re a stay-at-home mother. In the invisible force and vibrant energy of the family nest we made together, I shall draw upon everything we have shared, and use those blessings to enhance the latter years of my life.

My life has been made richer by the nest we have shared, and I am so grateful for the love, laughter, beauty and creativity which my children have infused into our world. In a year from now, you might look at my nest and declare it ‘empty’. I can tell you now: nothing could be further from the truth.

A few years ago I had a strong desire to leave the life I’d known as a magazine editor and become a romance novelist. It made sense. I have a deeply felt need to bring more love to the world, and I love writing. Why not combine the two?

I spent my teenage years immersed in romance novels. They provided just the antidote to boring school days and tedious exams. Instead of doing homework, I was being romanced by tall, dark, fictional men…that is, until I could hear my mother walking up the hallway to my bedroom. And then, my secret lover was shoved beneath the textbooks while I pretended to studiously examine the theory of how to dissect a frog. Talk about going from princes to frogs!

I was thrown out of biology class for drawing hearts. Love hearts!

I met my husband Paul―a prince, not a frog―when living in New Zealand, and we moved in together the day after our first date. It was ‘I’ve known you forever’ at first sight. We’re happily in love, two decades later. I still get butterflies when I see him smile, or watch him walking towards me. He makes me laugh like no one else can. I can feel the privilege of those oft-said words: till death do us part; and I know that it means our love will carry us through and beyond that day.

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Our love story is a rom-com; I’m the rom, he’s the com. In the roughly ten years I spent as a single woman, I kissed more than a few of those proverbial toads. Often it’s only in hindsight that we see the blessings of poor relationship choices and lost loves. Those toads—every single one of them—showed me what I didn’t want in a relationship. And so I went on kissing toads in the hope that there was a fairytale ending for me. Those toads may have worn different costumes, and had different names or jobs, but in the end a toad is a toad is a toad. Would I ever meet my handsome prince? Perhaps I’d read far too many Mills & Boon romance novels! Nevertheless, they gave me hope.

 

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Despite the heartache, the betrayal, the lack of emotional intelligence or ability to give more openheartedly by some of the above said toads, I never really stopped believing in love. It took me about ten years of kissing toads to realise I wasn’t a toad, and that’s why those relationships didn’t fit right.

I trained to become a marriage celebrant. Even if I wasn’t married, I could at least celebrate other people’s happy unions. As it turned out, by the time I officiated my first ceremony in 1995 I had a beautiful baby girl growing inside me. Yes, I’d found my prince! Or had he found me?

Several years ago, I became rather ill with what I later discovered was adrenal fatigue. I ended up in bed for weeks, so exhausted I could barely move. My daughters, bless them, remembered my teenage addiction to romance novels and scoured the local charity shops buying me dozens of novels from their pocket money. I’d not read romance novels in years. At first, I was somewhat amused that I’d ever found them interesting. After all, aren’t they all the same? That’s what everyone thinks, right? Boy meets girl. Boy is a prat. Girl can’t bear the sight of him. Well, she can really, because, frankly, he’s so hot he’s capable of melting an ice cream from five metres away. Is it lust? Is it…oh my, it’s love. And, darn it, turns out they’ve always loved each other and can’t possibly be apart.

Whatever the storyline, those novels helped me heal. Each day I found myself getting stronger as I read more stories of romance. I’m a fast reader, and generally get through a Mills and Boon novel in two hours.

Then, a few summers ago, I decided to write a romance novel. That summer, getting up before sunrise each day, I wrote five romance novels. Finally, I’d come full circle. All those years of reading about romance, and now I was writing stories about love. But was I?

My novels Mosaic, Bluey’s Café and Sisters of the Silver Moon are not romance novels, but they all feature love stories. What I learnt from writing these novels and writing those five romance manuscripts is that I actually find it hard to follow the formula of ‘boy meets girl and now we have to throw lots of obstacles in their way before they can be together’. Although I have quite the backlog of toads to my name, when I met ‘the one’ our path was smooth. Instant. And in my heart, that is what I wish for other women. I hope that one day they look up and ‘he’ is standing there before them, smiling, and ready to open his heart. I hope he won’t be all ego, arrogance and too macho to communicate his feelings.

 

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The alpha men of romance novels might be drop-dead gorgeous, but I want women to do better than that. I wish for them men who make you come ALIVE with their gorgeousness. You know, those men who aren’t just eye candy but are nourishing soul food. Men who are your equal, and don’t treat you as if you’re anything less than royalty. How do we know if someone is right for us? The best way is to close our eyes. How do they feel? What energy emanates from them? Because, it isn’t their dashing looks which will sustain your relationship through the years, but their kindness, respect, integrity, honesty and ability to be emotionally intimate and vulnerable.

I am grateful for every Mills and Boon book (and other publishers, too) I’ve ever read. And I’m so pleased I never gave up on finding true love. Like childbirth, I don’t believe it has to be a painful experience. I also don’t subscribe to the common beliefs:

Every marriage has its difficult times
Every couple fights.

It’s time people started creating their own love stories. Ones that aren’t perpetuating conflict, drama, power games, disrespect or arrogance. Because, you know what? Love isn’t any of those things. Love is accepting, honest, open, kind, encouraging, supportive, respectful, forgiving, compromising, and fair. Love is loving. And yes, even though most of us are dysfunctional in one way or another, and we all have a needy ‘inner child’, so too are we adults capable of making adult choices. Every moment of our relationship interaction is a choice.

 

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As a writer, I have come to accept that I may never have what it takes to be a romance novelist. I can, however, always write about love. For love, true love, is something I know well.

I had that pathetic look on my face this morning. That same one I get each year about this time when I look up at my husband, and say: “I’m not going to be able to cope. I won’t get through another Winter!”

And bless him, he does his annual reply: “Yes, you will. You say it every year, and every year you survive”.

Whether it’s my underactive thyroid or the fact I’m an Aussie girl and would choose 40C over 15C, or worse: freezing, any day of the year, I simply can’t bear being cold. It hurts. I want to cry with the pain.

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Our 300-year-old cottage in Winter

 

And so here we are again. About to step into the long abyss known as Winter. Frankly, I’m still waiting for Summer so I can’t understand how this can possibly be. Wait a minute! Somebody stop this from happening. I haven’t even harvested my courgettes! And my sunflowers aren’t even close to being in bloom. Don’t cheat me!

The nights are drawing in. I wake to thick mists hanging about in my garden as if they own the damn place. Every inch of my being tries to fight the inevitable. I will no longer be able to spend hours outdoors, trying to soak up feeble English rays of sunshine. Within weeks, my favourite chore: hanging washing on the line, will come to an end. My barefoot forays into the garden will become like a long-forgotten dream.

 

 

It is, indeed, a time for gathering in. For these past few months I’ve had the pleasure of having my daughters home. My elder daughter is about to start her second year of university (studying music), and my younger daughter has only one year left before leaving for uni. As they prepare to go back out into the world this week to continue with their chosen education paths, I am mentally and physically preparing myself for the deep, dark days ahead.

What gets me through the damp, dreary, endless grey and ice cold? Being a writer! As a writer, I get to romanticise the Winter. Waking in the dark, I quietly step outside to the porch and gather armfuls of wood to light the woodstove. I set the scene for the writing day. Incense burns, and still dressed in my fleecy pyjamas, I tumble headlong into a world of love, loss, transformation, hope and whatever else my characters have planned.

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My writing room

In my writing life, Winter brings me endless hot drinks (oh wait, that’s my husband!). Thick woolly socks comfort my toes, while I tap at the keyboard willing my cold fingers to thaw out.

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Gifts of Autumn

 

At some point in the day, I go to the gym—fighting the elements that keep me a slave to the indoors—so I can give respite to my chair-bound body. But even then, the writer in me will find something romantic about it.

These seasons for ‘gathering in’ have a purpose. It’s a time to go within ourselves and review our life, our journey, our relationships, and our dreams. We actually need to pull back from the hectic busyness of modern life, and although we can still live 24/7 lives due to electricity, I do believe for many people there is something about the dark time of the year which causes them to slow down (even if only a little).

There is romance to be had when I am snuggled up on the sofa beneath a blanket, hot water bottle in my lap, woodstove roaring, reading by candlelight.

The writer in me creates stories with every apricot-hued sunset and frosty leaf. As I gather in, I gather in Nature too. She continues to feed my soul and my imagination even when to the average eye it might seem that all the world is bare and empty. I am fed by fallow fields and trees bereft of leaves. Red-breasted robins amuse me while I wash the dishes.

I dream of owning a big-arse Aga that keeps every inch of my home warm and toasty. Alas, I’m not likely to own one any time soon. What to do? Give my main character the Aga of my dreams. Given how much time I spend in her kitchen anyway, I am content to keep warm at her expense.

 

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As I gather in my energy, I am so grateful for my imagination and that it is my greatest tool for sustaining me through another British Winter. I also use that same imagination to dream of when I return to Australia for my brother’s wedding in 2017. I can already feel that 40C warming every single cell of my body. In my mind, I gather that heat inside me and use it to warm my heart. My husband is right: I will get through another Winter.

 

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If you’re looking to connect with other like-minded holistic parents, why not read Parent Tribe. It’s edited by Hatti Burt, here in Cumbria, and is available free online.

There is also the option to purchase a paper version.

In this issue you can read my article called The Creative Family. Enjoy. ~ Veronika

bethandelizaonbikesjune2004

http://www.parenttribe.net/

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It’s ever so exciting when your baby learns to stand, and then….that first step! We clap. We congratulate. We laugh. We make such a fuss. We may even shed a tear. That single step. So life changing!

 

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Bethany on my wedding day, having just learnt to walk.

My daughter Eliza took her first steps in Dubai airport when we were moving to England. She learnt to walk to the applause of air hostesses.

I can’t imagine a parent wanting or demanding that empowering transformation of a single step to be, for example, a marathon. We celebrate the baby step as a huge step.

So why is it that when we, as adults, come to take life-changing baby steps in our lives do we tend to dismiss them as insignificant? Maybe we even give up. Why bother when a small step won’t make any apparent difference? These steps are opportunities for growth and self-discovery. The quiet devotion of these simple movements leads to our resurrection. The heart of change lies in their foundation. I’m an advocate of gradual change. I know what it’s like to have ‘the big dream’ and want it all at once. But equally I know that if you want things to change in your life you shouldn’t underestimate your baby steps.

Examples of Baby Steps

The body

Perhaps you’re wanting to lose weight. Say, for example, you have five stone to lose. How overwhelming is that? Five stone! It might seem impossible. But how would it feel to lose one pound, and keep it off? Would that feel like success? That’s all weight loss is, really, one pound/kilo at a time. That IS doable, right?

For a decade now, my body has carried extra weight as a result of an unbalanced hormonal system. When I finally made the connection between a low thyroid output and the weight gain, I was able to take baby steps. Every single day I take baby steps. It’s slow, and yes, bloody frustrating at times to see so little ‘reward’ given that I eat a wholefood, plant-based diet.

My baby steps include things like daily exercise (walking, gym, aquafit, swimming, dynamic control and stretch classes). My baby steps include not eating gluten (it slows the thyroid right down). My baby steps include being kind to myself regardless of what my hormones are or aren’t doing. My baby steps include religiously taking plenty of kelp tablets, as well as other supplements to augment my healing journey.

Those baby steps, small as they are, led to 19 pounds coming off. They were slow to be released. I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to give up! There are more pounds to come off, but I know this: baby steps will lead the way.

Money
Perhaps you’re always dreading checking your account balance or your heart sinks whenever you look in your purse. I read recently that the way we do money is the way we do life. Let’s change the word money to ‘values’.
What are your values?
What do you prioritise in your life?
Is integrity important to you?
How about honesty?
Kindness?
Transparency?
What if the way to increase your monetary wealth was to let go and trust?
What if the baby steps were about letting go of fear around money and seeing it as a currency of love?
What if, each day, you opened your heart to deliberately receiving?
What if, each day, you asked yourself ‘how you do life’?
Do you do life with a big open heart?
Do you do life with a smile on your face?
Do you do life with trust?
Do you have faith in life?
What if you trusted that life would bring you what you needed?

To change our financial situation is, like weight loss, achieved one pound (cent) at a time. To grow your money means expressing gratitude for everything in your life.

Communication
Do you speak before you think? Maybe you don’t speak because you’re scared of saying something wrong? Maybe you long to write a book? Communication is fundamental to how we co-exist with other humans. Developing our communication skills so that we’re clear, confident and calm when speaking (or writing) is empowering for all concerned.

Baby steps might include learning to slow down and listen fully to another before opening your mouth.

Baby steps might be about speaking your truth even though you’re shaking.

A baby step might be writing 100 words of the novel that you’re too scared to write.

Baby steps might be having a heart-to-heart with your beloved about matters that are important to you.

Baby steps all the way.

Home

Home is where the heart is. It’s our sacred place. It’s where we undress from the world and let go. Perhaps you find yourself frustrated that the kitchen is always filled with dirty dishes. A baby step might involve committing to leave the kitchen clean each night: all dishes washed and put away. Benches cleaned. Floor swept. And how amazing the next morning to walk into an oasis of calm! Regardless of the state of the rooms in your house, you can change them, through baby steps, to create a peaceful haven that nurtures everyone who lives there.

Children
Are the kids driving you nuts? Maybe you’re yearning to create a piece of art but don’t feel you have time. Baby steps. Baby steps will lead you to discover solutions to how you can enjoy being with your children.
Is it to do with time?
Space?

Make the changes you wish to see one step at a time.

Want to be creative? Clear the space. Ten minutes to yourself to create art is a great baby step. In two months from now maybe you’ll have created an hour. Don’t put off your creativity because you perceive things are getting in the way.

Create your day.

Health
What baby steps can you put in place to nurture mind, body and soul?

Marriage
What does your marriage need to thrive? Rather than blaming your partner, look at your role in the relationship. What growth are you bringing? What baby steps will allow you to nourish each other?

Go through all the areas of your life, reflecting on where you’re happy and content, and those spaces and places you’d like to reform, rebuild and re-envision. Write down 5 baby steps for each, then stand up on those tottery feet and take a step. A single step.

As the Chinese proverb says: a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Give to life what you want life to give to you.

So, be kind to yourself. Your moment of power is in that step.

I’d love to hear what baby steps you’ve taken in your life. ~ Veronika x

There are people who come into our lives and open our hearts in ways we could never have imagined before meeting them. With Mars currently transiting my natal eighth house (sometimes called the house of death; though it’s more appropriate to call it the house of psychological transformation), the news of death came knocking on my door, not once, but twice in less than 24 hours. Two loves, two deaths. Both from my heart land of New Zealand.

Two goodbyes.

Yesterday I received news that my former beau, John (my big love before I met Paul), had passed away from Parkinson’s Disease. The news wasn’t entirely unexpected, but to hear he had finally left this earthly realm, which we had shared together for a time, did indeed take my breath away. Rest In Peace, John, and thank you for the memories. (And for the stories I get to tell my daughters about my reckless youth!)

My father’s death in a car crash three years ago really heightened my perception of mortality, and I live my life knowing that at any time I, or those I love, could leave this earthly life. It really amplifies my desire to live a life of purpose and passion. Despite my belief in life after death, and that this life we live is but a mere dream, I still grieve deeply upon news of a passing. I had thought a lot of John recently, aware he was unwell and that his time would come soon. My immediate feeling upon hearing the news was “He’s at peace now.” I felt a sense of relief for him. What more could we wish for someone who has touched our heart deeply?

Today I shed tears in memory of my former lover, John McLean Thornburrow.

Our dear, dear friend Alice has passed away. In her 90s, I should never have expected she’d live forever, but if you knew Alice and her husband Murray you’d probably think they’d be around longer than you and I. They are both such an inspiration to me, and if I live to old age I can only pray that I share their zest for life.

They were keen gardeners and had a thriving garden. Alice knitted booties for premature babies in the hospital. (I secretly modelled some aspects of my character, Caroline Lafferty, in my novel Sisters of the Silver Moon, on Alice because I’ve been so inspired by her.) Her heart was big, kind and loving. Despite having lost a child, she never let it make her into a bitter person. Somehow the loss wove into the fabric of all the things that were amazing about her.

Just yesterday I was looking at a photo of Alice and Murray that I keep in my kitchen, smiling back at their beautiful smiles, and thinking “I must pop a card in the post”. I wanted to send her a copy of my novel to let her know she was immortalised in my character.

Alice and Murray had recently celebrated 72 years of marriage. They were genuinely in love with each other. And of all the couples I know, they are one of about four that I believe were true soul mates. They had such deep respect for each other, and this foundation allowed their marriage to grow and thrive. My grief and upset right now is founded on Murray’s loss of the woman who has been at his side for all of his adult life. How is it possible to move forward when you’ve had that taken away from you? I can’t bear the thought. The ache. The gut-wrenching loss.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/nelson-mail/communities/8190488/Platinum-couple-can-t-stay-still

alice

The price of loving someone so fully, so deeply, so open-heartedly is that the grief you feel at their passing is in direction proportion to the love. I pray that he feels her love around him every second of the day.

Indeed, there is a time to live, and a time to die. A time to grieve, and most definitely a time to cry.

I’m all for setting goals, writing lists, and making things happen. I’m a Capricorn! I know what it’s like to have your eye looking at the top of the mountain.

When it comes to creating our dream life, it’s important to have a clear vision of our future. However, and this is perhaps where many people get caught out in terms of manifesting their reality, it is in the minutiae of life that the dreams put down their roots.

That little mountain goat might well have his eye on the mountain peak, but it is in each and every step with his little hooves that he makes his way there, navigating crevices and rocky paths. He knows that he must eat. He must rest. And surely he must take in the breathtaking views. The goat might be focussed on his destination, but his message to all of us is that it’s the journey which matters.

We can dream of living in a castle, for example, but if we don’t take care of the tent we’re living in, then our subconscious will keep getting the message that we don’t care about the home we live in.

 

loungeroom4

We can dream of meeting ‘the one’, but if on a daily basis we’re not loving, caring and nurturing ‘the one’ (ourselves), then the message we keep creating is that we’re not worth loving and respecting.

We can dream of big overseas holidays and seeing the world, but if we close our eyes to the messages and symbols evident in our daily life then we’re unlikely to grab the significance of what it means to truly head over the horizon.

We can dream of excellent health, but if our daily habits sabotage what it means to create a vibrant body then things are unlikely to change.

We can dream of being wealthy, but if we don’t value ourselves then our purses will always reflect that.

The big picture is always seen in the little picture. To change our life means we have to consciously create our day.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/I-Create-My-Day