Whether you’ve been on one of my menopause workshops or you follow this blog, you are invited to take part in some research I’m gathering for my book on the topic of Marriage, Menopause and You.
The research involves filling in a simple questionaire about your experience of menopause and the impact it has had on you and/or your spouse/marriage.
All answers are confidential.
Please get in touch if you’d like to take part.
Thank you so much, Veronika x
Veronika Robinson is an author based in Cumbria, and is currently writing a book on the liminal space of menopause, marriage and the psycho-spiritual changes as we recalibrate. She is the author of Cycle to the Moon; Celebrating The Menstrual Trinity: Menarche, Menstruation, Menopause, and an assortment of other books. She facilitates workshops for women, including the menstrual trinity; and as a celebrant creates and officiates Sagesse and Crone ceremonies.
This series of blog posts on Marriage, Menopause and You is written as part of my writerly journey while I write my book on this topic.
The journey of menopause takes us into a liminal space: it is a path of recalibration. During this time we may be particularly sensitive to the energies in and around us. If we’ve never considered our vibrational energy before, this is a good time to start doing so.
We are changing. Our bodies are changing. And our inner landscape is changing too.
Here are seven ways to raise your vibration to bring balance into your life. This will not only support you on your journey, but will bring clarity, compassion and consciousness to yourself and to your significant relationship. You don’t have to be married or in an intimate relationship to use these ideas.
Vibration can be understood in terms of love and fear or positive and negative. It is energy. Everything is made of energy, and according to the law of attraction people and situations are magnetised or repelled based on the vibrational nature or match of that energy.
We have a choice in how we absorb energies around us, and of those we broadcast. Our mind is an incredible resource, and we choose what goes through there. Monitoring, and living as a guardian to, the quality of those thoughts ensures that we are mindful of the frequencies we emit. Even if you feel like you’re someone who has gone through your whole life seeing the glass as half empty, or empty, you can choose to take a new approach. It is as simple as it is difficult. It is a choice, though. You are a powerful being, and you are the one in charge of the thoughts you think. Try choosing different thoughts and watch your life change.
For as long as I can remember, music has played an important role in my well-being and emotional health. Studies have shown that music has healing qualities. Or, at least it can do. But if the music you’re listening to doesn’t make you feel good then consider how much impact your music choices have on you. The lyrics we listen to, and the feel of the music, can enhance or reduce our vibrational energy. Next time you listen to a song, think about what the themes are. Is this something you want in your life? Do you want more sadness, regret, loneliness, anger, bitterness?
I remember when my daughters were little girls. I was listening to a song by David Gray and singing along to the lyrics of Nightblindness: ‘when the money runs out’. My younger daughter looked up and said “Mummy, what are we going to do when the money runs out?” Needless to say I never played that music again. My daughter was playing dolls, but she was listening to a powerful message! I didn’t want her to absorb poverty consciousness.
With some songs that I like the music to, but I know the lyrics aren’t conducive to a healthy and positive mindset, I simply change the lyrics to something better.
Our environment shapes us in countless ways. We are constantly taking in thousands of pieces of information every single second though we are only conscious of a few of them. Your environment is always feeding you. Does it nourish you? Are you surrounded by beauty, laughter, love, kindness? Whatever you are absorbing is triggering an avalanche of hormones in your body. This in turns shapes your vibrational frequency. And this draws or repels things, people, and events into your life.
Words are powerful. They can cure and they can wound. What is coming out of your mouth? Are you fuelling a fire by gossiping about another or whining about your partner or child or someone else in your life? It is essential if we intend to enjoy a happy and high-vibrational energy that we dispense of negative language, gossiping or speaking about yourself in an unkind way. Practise using affirmations as a way of speaking with power.
E.g. I am kind. I am calm. I am loving. I am living in a peaceful way. I am enjoying creativity.
Gratitude is, I believe, one of the quickest and most reliable ways to raise your vibration to a beautiful level. Genuine gratitude lights up every cell of your being. Studies have shown that just act of searching for something to be grateful for changes the brain in a positive way.
You might like to keep a gratitude journal. It can be as simple as writing down five things, at the end of each day (just before sleep) that you’re grateful for. It could be the roof over your head, your comfy bed, or some kindness someone has shown you. It might be for your health, or that you passed a test, or for the flowers in your garden. There’s no right or wrong way to experience and express gratitude. To further enhance your vibration, allow yourself to really feel grateful. Allow yourself to smile, and let that feeling permeate your whole being.
Acknowledging everything you appreciate about your life, your relationships, your health, work and so on, allows the doors of possibility to open. e.g. I am so grateful for my loving spouse/husband/partner. I am so grateful for the kindness and care I receive in my relationship.
My own daily practice includes writing or saying: Life is good! And is if responding to myself, I reply: All the time!
I spend an hour each morning (I get up early and write in my journal while still in bed) writing things and experiences I’m grateful for. This isn’t just about things which have happened, but things I wish to happen. I bring the future into my present by giving thanks for them as if I already have them.
e.g I am so grateful for my excellent health and radiant well being.
I am so grateful for my beautiful and loving relationship.
I am so grateful for my deep levels of creativity.
This combination of affirmation and gratitude is a form of ‘brainwashing’ (but in a positive way!) It is rewiring of old or outdated thought systems. I’m simply replacing anything that doesn’t serve me with something that will. The more often we work with our mind in this way, the more natural those beliefs will become until they’re non negotiable in our life.
Look around you. Where do you live? Where do you work? What can you see? What can you hear? What can you smell? What can you touch? How does it feel? Your frequency, your vibrational energy, will be matching the environment where you are spending your time. Is it nourishing you?
I am blessed to primarily work from home. I sit by a window as I work so I can ‘draw’ in the nature that’s outside. I have flowers beside me, and an assortment of crystals. I may have Mozart on the record player and incense burning. Even if I worked away in an office, I’d find ways to bring in elements of beauty. This is nourishment. It aligns us to our optimal self.
It’s easy for things like housework (or in my case, paperwork!) to become overwhelming. Taking some time to eliminate these, or keep them at manageable levels, only serves to enhance our well-being. There are countless articles, blogs and books on the power of decluttering. It is therapeutic and cathartic. Simplicity is a value which allows us to see the truth of our lives.
The Seventh Way
It is said that we become a composite of the five people we hang out with the most. This becomes particularly challenging if those people are emotionally draining, negative, pessimists, gossipers and so on.
Energetically,
we are ‘swimming’ in the energy field
of the people we live with or spend the most time around.
Consider that this can be affecting you and your health and well-being, and reflect on how you might remedy this. Perhaps it is about alerting them to their mindset or explaining how their negativity is impacting you. You can’t change them, of course, but it is important to speak your truth quietly and clearly. As we change, our relationships change.
It can take a huge amount of energy to maintain our high vibrational energy when we’re surrounded by people who are emitting a negative frequency.
Making the conscious decision to choose high-vibration living means that you start making different choices. This is empowering and authentic, and ensures that you’re recalibrating in an optimal way. Consistently making these choices creates a brand new life. It doesn’t mean you’ll never feel sad, angry, depressed and so on. It does mean that you’ll make choices to choose different feelings sooner rather than later.
Veronika Robinson is an author based in Cumbria, and is currently writing a book on the liminal space of menopause, marriage and the psycho-spiritual changes as we recalibrate. She is the author of Cycle to the Moon; Celebrating The Menstrual Trinity: Menarche, Menstruation, Menopause, and an assortment of other books. She facilitates workshops for women, including the menstrual trinity; and as a celebrant creates and officiates Sagesse and Crone ceremonies. Veronika is a psychological astrologer, and weaves this into her work. www.veronikarobinson.com
Increasingly, people are seeing marriage, and certainly the patriarchal or religious influences around that institution, to be archaic. Indeed, at the time of writing, there is currently a long-awaited review into marriage laws as they are well and truly outdated.
Having a significant life relationship legally recognised, without the weight of traditions, is appealing to those who seek a balanced landscape upon which to honour and celebrate their union. Partnership is about equality.
A common question from fellow celebrants is: what’s the difference between a wedding ceremony and a civil-partnership ceremony? It’s understandable that there might be some confusion because of it being quite new to our understanding of what ‘bonds’ a couple in the eyes of others and the law.
A wedding ceremony (including contemporary and alternative ones) tends to share common themes such as traditional rituals like the processional of the bride, the bride being given away, the giving of rings, pledges/vows, and primarily the language used: husband and wife (wife and wife, husband and husband), marriage, and so on. These are so engrained in our cultural wedding traditions that we expect to see these in a bonding ceremony, even those with an alternative flair.
Loz and I the moment we see his beloved Kate arriving to join us and their guests beside the waterfall.
When I train celebrants, we talk about what makes a marriage commitment real. Is it the legal document the couple signs? Is it the wedding ceremony they share with friends and family? Indeed, does an elopement with only two witnesses constitute the same level of commitment as a ceremony with many witnesses? Is marriage God ordained? Does the legal signing of a document bond a couple? All these questions are important to ask, and from a celebrant point of view, I believe it is vital that we understand our own beliefs about relationships and bonding. What do we, as celebrants, energetically bring to the unions (traditional or otherwise) that we are so privileged to be part of?
Who decides if a bond is valid and/or sacred? Who has the right to ordain this? What words or actions need to be spoken or enacted to give credence to this rite of passage? Indeed, is a bonding ceremony considered meaningful only if it is in tandem with the legal contract? (which is essentially notification to the government about a change in taxation status [read that bit about the legal contract again])
It is because of all these questions/answers, and more, that some couples are turning towards civil partnership. Apart from the uninspiring label (no doubt decided upon by a civil servant), what couples like these are looking for is to have their loving relationship recognised for the co-creative equal union that it is, and in some cases they’re quite happy to sign the legal document and then carry on with life as per normal while enjoying the financial benefits that this brings.
For others, they wish to bring in the simplicity and balance that comes with identifying as partners rather than traditional titles but would also like a ceremony to share their commitment in front of loved ones. From a ceremony-creation point of view, this can still be as beautiful, romantic, creative, life affirming, and rich with symbolism, as any traditional wedding ceremony or alternative one. My job, as ever, is about creating a ceremony which reflects whatever is meaningful to the couples I work with, and which honours the truth about their lives and choices.
This invaluable and gorgeous full-fat resource for celebrants-in-training and working celebrants is edited and published by Cumbrian-based celebrant Veronika Robinson. A whopping 88 pages, each colourful issue is brimming with lively, intelligent, interesting and inspiring articles relevant to all aspects of ceremony and celebrancy.
Consider it your 24/7 CPD. This handy A5 publication is easy to read in the bathtub, while waiting for a train, in bed, or any other place where you’ve got some spare time and when you wish to be re-energised in your celebrant role.
The Celebrant is a subscription-only print publication available worldwide.
The Celebrant: international journal of celebrants and ceremonies
All marriages end. Whether by death, divorce or old-fashioned neglect, the rose-hued dreams we had for Happily Ever After become eroded in the passage of time. To love is to risk. Who here hasn’t gambled on love? And if we knew that someday it all would end, would we have taken even a single step in the direction of our dreams?
We’re just walking through life, minding our own business (although, increasingly, people are actively searching for love online), when slap bang onto our path walks someone who turns our head. Kapow! Gotcha! Whatever direction it was we thought we were walking in, suddenly changes. Our worlds collide, and in time we’re setting up home or having babies or travelling the world together. One thing’s for sure: when ‘the one’ comes along, most of us will tilt our world sideways to ensure longevity. Compromise after compromise after compromise. Afterall, why wouldn’t we want that wonderful feeling of love to last forever? (well, whatever ‘forever’ actually means in mortal terms)
The wedding industry is huge. As a wedding celebrant, my focus is purely on the ceremony and what I can bring to help a couple set the scene for their vows, promises and pledges. I bring my whole heart to this role, and in that wholeheartedness my deepest wish is that their intentions come to fruition.
But what of those at the other end of marriage? Where is the ‘industry’ (apart from greedy lawyers and divorce courts) or support systems to cushion those who find themselves walking out the other end of marriage – alone – their dreams crushed into the dust? Where are all the well wishers then? Why isn’t there a support team to help you move along with the next chapter/s of your life? Because it’s not pretty, that’s why!
When someone is widowed, sure, there’s the funeral, but what of the support for the person who is now living without the daily companionship of their beloved? The bottom line is that there is no one to fill that void. The loss of that vitality and life force that their loved one brought into their lives is akin to an earthquake. The landscape is forever changed. There are support groups for widows and widowers, but it seems to me that, as a culture, we simply don’t have the cushioning needed for this bookend.
And then there are people who, for whatever reason, come to the end of what may well have been a long and happy marriage, and then find themselves separating. Not only does a marital separation of the couple ‘least likely to split’ terrify your friends and have them running in the opposite direction in case it somehow illuminates the fault lines in their own marriage, it also leads to people assuming the one who did the leaving is ‘ok’. The one who is ‘left behind’ is to be pitied and rallied around. It’s not surprising, really, given the litigious culture we live in. We’re virtually raised on the blame game from the get go.
Grieving for a person who is still alive is even more painful that grieving for someone who is dead.
As a celebrant, I’ve offered divorce ceremonies right from the outset. People used to laugh and think I did it for ‘repeat’ business. That one day my wedding clients would come to me to be undone. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I am a hopeless romantic (the unpublished romance novels on my laptop are proof enough of that), and dream of happily ever after. I’m also realistic and know that humans are deeply complex. My own evolution is also teaching me constantly, and as a result my work has to evolve alongside my personal life. In the past, I’ve always felt strongly that a divorce ceremony should involve both parties. I now see that a Parting of the Ways ritual shouldn’t be denied to someone because their ex-spouse isn’t willing to take part or has blanked them.
Forgiveness doesn’t require the other person’s permission. To forgive is to free ourselves.
At no level of my being do I see parting as a failure, though that doesn’t stop the pain of separation. Honouring the change of nature in a relationship is something that, to my mind, doesn’t require a piece of paper from the government.
If you would like me to accompany you in a Parting of the Ways Ceremony, please get in touch.
https://veronikarobinson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/heart2.jpg752564Veronika Sophia Robinsonhttps://veronikarobinson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/logo-1.pngVeronika Sophia Robinson2019-06-14 21:20:372023-10-04 21:39:28The Bookends of Marriage
Sometimes the smallest words, like ‘yes’ and ‘love’, have the biggest, most life-changing meanings.
Yes is an open door. It says “I’m going through”, unlike no which says “Go no further. No exit. Stop. No entry. THE END.”
Such different energies. Such different life paths.
Every day our lives are based on yes and no. Every single day.
Are you aware of how many times you’ve said yes today? How about no? Do you even hear yourself saying them? Every single time we say them, we are moving in one direction or another.
As a wedding celebrant, I meet couples because someone has said “yes!” Someone has said “I want to walk through that door with you.”
Weddings are joyous occasions, and are such a delight to be part of. And for me, always an honour.
When my couples and I agree to work together, one of the things that happens is that I take the time to get to know them so that I can tell their love story. After all, I want their ceremony to be unique to them.
This working relationship begins by asking them a series of questions. They have plenty of time (usually) to answer these, but I ask that they send me their answers independently without sharing them with their partner (though obviously they’ll see what their beloved has written when I send the script back).
It is quite a process. I’m not, by any means, a marriage counsellor. I’m a celebrant. However, I do take my role seriously. Some of my clients really revel in answering the questions and truly ‘get’ the process. Others get quite stuck. Why? Because one of the first questions I ask is “Why are you getting married?”
You’d be amazed how difficult that question is for some people to answer.
The question and answer process makes couples think. And, from my perspective, I learn a huge amount by how much thought and care goes into the answers.
I’ve been officiating weddings since 1995. One of my first weddings was for a young couple with a baby daughter. When I asked my question/s, his reply was that he was marrying her because “she had great legs!” Maybe I’m just a bit too serious for my own good, but even then (in my mid twenties), I’d have hoped for a more solid answer. To my incredible sadness, not long after their wedding, he committed suicide. The relationship wasn’t as he had hoped. It still haunts me.
My job isn’t, at any level, to say whether a couple should or shouldn’t get married. My job is to celebrate their love, their love story, and wish them all the best for a wonderful future. To honour their YES.
I hope, when couples go through the process of answering my questions, that they truly understand what the journey of marriage is about (you know, other than asking each other what you want for dinner every day for years on end!).
Marriage is a dance. What happens if we have two left feet? What happens if each person hears a different tune? What if one person loves to dance, and the other is a wallflower? Could it be that you love bellydancing and he loves rock ‘n’ roll?
What if one person has a free spirit and the other needs routine? Can an introvert and extrovert co-exist? So many questions!
Marriage is a constant course in personal growth. We are invited, daily, to learn more about ourselves. It is about give and take. It is about we and us. Me and you. Indeed, it is a balancing act that no one can ever tutor you in. Looking into the mirror of relationship means we are always receiving feedback about who we are, and what we expect. What do we project onto our partner? How much do we expect them to fill certain needs?
Sometimes people start out on the same page (like my parents), and then as the years roll on, one of them changes. And they keep changing until eventually there is too much distance to keep them under the same roof.
But this is a ‘yes’, too. When we say ‘no’ to another, we are saying ‘yes’ to ourselves. The door to self awareness is the first door we should walk through.
Yes. It’s a beautiful word. Life affirming. Encouraging. It’s an invitation to something better. Maybe it’s someone holding your hand inviting you to somewhere you’ve never been before.
Perhaps, when crafting vows for couples to answer, we, as celebrants, would serve them best if we asked questions in such a way as to see if the answer is ‘yes’ rather than “I will” or “I do”.
Yes, for as long as love shall last.
Yes, for better or worse.
Yes, in sickness and health.
Yes, because in that moment, when we’re wrapped in the power of love, we truly believe we can step through the door into a future together.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes!
Three simple letters.
One word.
One syllable.
It says “I want to walk through the door…”
More importantly, it speaks of hope. And in this life, hope is something we all need.
Love. It is essential to human happiness. But where does it come from? How do we grow it in our lives? Why do some people have an abundance of it, while others are deprived?
When I wrote my book, I Create My Day, I chose to include the twelve areas of human experience so that the reader could go about creating a full life based on intention, clarity and desire. Intimate relationships are an important area of human fulfilment. They help us to see ourselves. And they show us where we are ‘asleep’ and where and how we are ‘awake’.
The key to creating more love in your life is to see that it already exists within you. No one can give it to you if you don’t recognise it, and equally, no one can take it away. It is always there, though for many people it is shrouded beneath fear and layers of pain. We are, quite literally, a manifestation of love from the Unlimited Universe. What another human being can do, though, is show you how much love you allow to live within yourself.
To create a love-filled life, it is essential that we can feel what love is because otherwise we will sabotage every relationship we ever walk into. I am so grateful to all the men I’ve loved before because they were stepping stones to a relationship in which I would finally see my full self. What do I mean by that? Every relationship in our life is a mirror. We see our reflection in the face, arms, smile, heartbeat, habits, life views and love of another. When we ‘fall in love’, we are usually falling for an illusion. That is, we ‘hold up high’ what it is we like about the other person. Then reality sets in. Sometimes we don’t like what we see. But, blaming and shaming another is no better than throwing our hairbrush at the mirror because we’re having a bad hair day. It’s not the mirror’s fault! (It’s my dad’s fault for passing on hair with curls in the wrong places! ~ just kidding.) The mirror of relationship shows us who we are. If we don’t like what we see, we can go within and change our behaviour or inner irritant (or we can keep pointing our finger at what we don’t like in that person).
We can give thanks for this crash course in personal growth. But does someone’s annoying behaviour mean we have to lose sight of our true nature: to love? If we’re clear that what we’re seeing isn’t something huge within us, and that we’re ‘vibrating’ on an entirely different level, we might choose to walk away. I’m a firm believer in the saying: we become like the five people we hang out with the most. I’m incredibly choosy about who I spend my precious time with! I simply don’t want to spend my days with people who bitch, moan all the time, are unkind or critical.
I choose to be with people who vibrate at a level which seeks to see all that is beautiful, pleasurable and wonderful about this world. A rich and fulfilling life is one whereby we consciously choose what we want more of in our days. I choose love, beauty, abundance, fun, pleasure, creativity and kindness. How about you? What do you choose? What would you like more of?
If someone we’re intimate with has an annoying behaviour, we can let it irritate us and we may seethe, or we can speak up kindly and express how we feel by said behaviour, or we can rant, rave and shred that person to pieces. Whatever we do, it’s always a choice. The difficulty with the latter behaviour is that is quickly becomes a habit that destroys the heart and soul of an intimate relationship. To truly be close to someone, you need to feel ‘safe’. I’m not talking about ripping off your clothes and having a ‘shag’. Anyone can do that! By true intimacy, I mean baring your heart. Putting your feelings on the table with a purity and vulnerability that means you TRUST the other. That simply doesn’t happen unless you feel safe, and you’re not going to feel safe if someone is ready to shoot you down. Love allows you to feel safe.
Some people are under the false illusion that because a soulmate is someone you have an intense connection with, that can mean you might be inclined to fight all the time. But you love each other, so it’s ok! Not in my world. A soulmate would never tear their partner in half, or be spiteful, nasty, patronising or disinterested.
It’s often said that marriage is hard work. That has not been my experience in almost 22 years (next month) of living together. There are essentially two states of being: love or fear. A marriage which has two people choosing to love openheartedly and consciously, and choosing to do this every single day, is not hard work, and never will be. One which constantly brings fear-based behaviour is going to be hard labour (with no time off for good behaviour!). But you know, it doesn’t have to be like that. Egos cause more damage than a War Lord’s arsenal. Fear comes about in a relationship because we aren’t feeling the love. Where has it gone? Was it there in the first place? Or was it just lust that brought you together? Love doesn’t ‘die’. How can it? All another person can ever do is show you how much love is within you already. They can, by all means, help you to express that.
Love begins and ends with us. The quality, harmony and happiness of our intimate relationships is in direct proportion to our level of self-awareness, self-love, self-care and self-nurture. If we are unable to love and tend to our selves, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, then we have no ‘well’ (or experience) from which to draw on in order to bring such care to another human being.
I often witness people in marriages where they are cruel and destructive (emotional and mental abuse is just as vile and unacceptable as physical abuse/violence), or allow themselves to be treated in this way. We only ever get in life what we tolerate.
Here’s the key: no one has a gun to our head. No one forces us to stay in relationships that don’t bring us to Higher Ground (in this culture, anyway). We choose it. Each day we stay with someone who doesn’t reflect the beauty, love and kindness within us, is a day of our life we’ve thrown away. It’s another day that we say: “It’s okay, I’m not loveable, treat me like shit. It’s okay not to respect me because I don’t respect and value myself.” Quite simply, we get what we put out. What’s in our heart is written on our forehead.
When we love another human being, we ALWAYS want the best for them. We instinctively and lovingly want to raise them up. It wouldn’t occur to us to be unkind or envious of their success or creativity or joy. When we make the choice to share our lives with a significant other, what we’re saying is: you are so important to me that I’m prepared to blend my life with yours, and I will do everything I can to support your dreams while honouring my own.
At the heart of a truly loving and harmonious relationship is: balance, peace, and fairness. In many ways, an intimate relationship is like a plant: it requires care. If you neglect to meet basic requirements, it will wither and die. Relationships, like humans, flourish and grow when given optimal care. It is our nature to reach for the light.
If it doesn’t come naturally to you to put the well-being of your ‘loved one’ first, then it would be worth looking deep within to see which part of you is malnourished (as well as looking at why you stay in the relationship). To create love in our lives, we must BE love. And that inner artesian basin of love with one’s self needs to be continually renewed with life-giving nutrients. Intimate relationships are wonderful learning grounds, and show us exactly how much we value ourselves (or not).
Marriage need not be a prison, but a way of life that is deeply liberating. It can be a place from which we are given a mirror that shows us our full beauty and capacity to love.
Love is a deeply creative force that brings forth life. You can’t bake a cake without ingredients. You can’t grow a relationship of joy, abundance, and kindness if you don’t use love to nourish the soil.
Veronika Robinson is an author and celebrant. She’s been officiating weddings for almost 22 years. www.veronikarobinson.com She absolutely loves being married, and is so grateful to enjoy every second of loving and being loved.
It’s late at night, my feet are bare on the cool terracotta kitchen tiles, as my husband and I chat happily about various things. Debussy fills the air, lending a gentle tone to the evening. Leek and potato soup simmers on the stovetop. I’ll freeze batches of it for my daughter’s school lunches later. I wash the evening’s dishes, and pop the vegetable and fruit scraps of the day outside to the compost heap. I take a moment to enjoy the birdsong and twilight breeze before heading back to the kitchen to join my husband. He is tending to some jobs, and the scene of domestic bliss is one that makes my heart sing. It might bore the pants off some people, but I don’t care. For me, moments like this are amongst my favourite.
My daughters would laugh if they could have seen me in the late 1980s, what with my killer high-heel shoes (what was I thinking?) and padded jackets. Don’t even start me on the permed hair. Ouch! Feminism was my middle name. I was all about career plans, and the rights of women. Power to the girl, and all that. Hello, I read Cosmo and Cleo magazines. But even then, I think I had a hunch that feminism was about so much more than equal pay!
I learnt about feminism at my mother’s feet, even though she was a stay-at-home mum for all her parenting years rather than a career chick. She was strong, feisty, followed her heart, and wasn’t bound by anyone’s rules. From her, I learnt that women could do anything. From my father, I learnt that it was important to believe in yourself. Pretty good grounding for life, really.
Maybe, though, feminism was about learning to find my voice, too. Perhaps it was standing on my own two feet and not being treated shabbily. I didn’t have the impact of Germaine Greer, but in my own small way I created change that to this day has gone on to help others. In my early twenties, I was sacked from my job as a phlebotomist (the person who takes your blood [and gentlemen, your semen!]) in my local hospital. Why? What had I done wrong? My crime was daring to put in a formal complaint against my boss for sexually harassing me. He thought it was his God-given right to grope me and make lewd comments from 9 to 5. The general manager was sympathetic, but in the end said his hands were tied. It was easier to hire a new lab assistant than to hire a new scientist. Can you feel your inner feminist rising? Mine sure as hell did! As it turns out, at the time, for some odd reason, Queensland hospitals seemed to be exempt from any laws against their staff being sexually harassed. That is no longer the case after my time with the Ombudsman. This was never about me getting revenge, but about speaking up for women and for the underdog. It was about saying ‘wait a minute, we’re important too!’
Several years later, when working as a media officer and author for the Royal New Zealand Society for the Protection of Animals, I became incensed by the many cruelties to animals in the name of ‘human food’. In particular, the fact that a battery hen spends her whole life in a space the size of a piece of A4 paper: denied her biological needs of sunshine, dust, and freedom of movement. My inner feminist began to boil. The way a culture treats animals is usually a fair indication of how it treats its women, too. My daughter Eliza thinks it’s pretty cool that I launched the Ban the Battery cage campaign. The highlight for me was when my boss, bless him, called me into his office because five ‘top’ men from the Egg Production Board were there. They wanted me to stop what I was doing. My campaign was hurting their lucrative industry. I was about 24 years old, standing in a room with men all aged 55 or older. It’s fair to say it was one of the more empowering moments of my life.
So, I stand here today, in my cosy cottage in rural Cumbria, a thousand years away from that young feisty girl, barefoot and content, but as much a feminist as ever.
Feminism has meant that marriage for me is easy. I’m with a man wouldn’t dream of thinking I was anything ‘less than’. My husband is my greatest supporter. He’s the first person who’ll encourage me to sit and write an article or book before I do the vacuuming. You’re more likely to find my husband washing the dishes than me, and I am just as happy to put the rubbish and recycling on the kerb. I mow the lawn (though, in fairness, he has to start the thing for me), and he repairs clothes with his little sewing kit. My daughters find this endlessly amusing.
There are some feminists who’d see the scenes of my domestic harmony the antithesis of their rally cry, and yet…this is exactly what it’s all about. Equality is about looking into the mirror of a relationship and knowing the scales are fairly balanced. Surely the heart of feminism is harmony, whether it’s at work or home?
I enjoy cooking, and it’s fair to say that most of the meals in this house are generated by me. If, though, I was with someone who demanded a meal on the table at 6pm each night… Never mind, scrub that thought, I’d never have ended up with someone like that!
Feminism, to me, is freedom. It’s not a fight. It really shouldn’t even be a cause. It’s had to be, of course, because, like battery hens, women have been treated shoddily for a good chunk of history.
Not all men are like that, of course. In my life, I’m blessed to know men who are thoughtful, kind, considerate, generous and fair. I guess it’s indicative of the journey I’ve been on in life, but every time I meet a man like this, I do a silent cheer.
What have I learnt after decades as a feminist? Feminism isn’t about what’s out there. It’s not even about changing the world. Sorry! Feminism isn’t actually about men and women, or worse: men v. women. It’s about loving yourself. To be a feminist means valuing yourself enough that you won’t tolerate any situation that doesn’t match your ideals and values, whether that’s in the way an animal is treated, or an employee, or how our planet is raped and pillaged. A true feminist is a woman who values herself enough to make lifestyle choices which honour who she really is, and what she loves to do: whether that’s having a career, or being a stay-at-home mum (or in my case, both); or being a humanitarian or anything else that makes her heart sing.
So, to the young women coming along who think feminism is a fight. Stop. Put your weapons down. Instead, slip your shoes off and go for a walk on the grass. Look up the stars. Feel the rain on your skin. Recognise your place in this Universe. Love yourself unconditionally. Don’t buy into the cultural hype about what womanhood means. Be kind to yourself, and be gentle. Define your own values. Live a heart-centred life. After all, isn’t that what the feminine energy is all about? Listen to your heart. It has the answers. Inspire yourself, and you’ll inspire others, whether you’re at the kitchen sink or landing a multi-million pound deal. Being a feminist means being free to write your own script!
For the next couple of days I’m offering a 2-for-1 deal on my astrology readings. £75.00 (worth £150)
Simply book a one-hour session on my website, and receive a second reading free (for yourself, friend, family member). I record calls by phone Skype, and can do readings wherever you are in the world as long as you have an internet/Skype connection.
The readings need to be ordered by Monday night, UK time, but can be taken at a time to suit. Some people are choosing to have face-to-face readings with me at our family camp in August (in North Yorkshire). https://www.veronikarobinson.com/creativity-camp/index.shtml I can also do in-person sessions from my home in Cumbria (near Penrith).
Spring is a wonderful time for an astrology reading. It’s when Nature reminds us that there is hope after the long dark Winter.
I’m not a doom-and-gloom astrologer. My goal is to inspire you to live to your potential, and to follow your soul’s calling. There is nothing to be fearful of when you entrust me to interpret your chart.
Not sure if you think astrology is useful to you? Have a read of some testimonials on my website. Love, Veronika x
https://veronikarobinson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/logo-1.png00Veronika Sophia Robinsonhttps://veronikarobinson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/logo-1.pngVeronika Sophia Robinson2016-04-23 12:41:292016-04-23 12:44:21Creating the life you were born to live
One of the biggest influences on my ability to find my life purpose, and walk my path with joy, has been understanding the astrological blueprint of the moment I was born.
Astrology can help you understand yourself, your relationships, your learning style (and your child’s), as well as help identify the best type of home, love, and work/career for you. It allows healing to take place when you can name and identify core wounds, too.
Astrology is beneficial for issues around health, intimacy, sexuality, finance, studying, marriage, spirituality, and more. ~ Veronika xx
