This series of blog posts on Marriage, Menopause and You is written as part of my writerly journey while I write my book on this topic.

The journey of menopause takes us into a liminal space: it is a path of recalibration. During this time we may be particularly sensitive to the energies in and around us. If we’ve never considered our vibrational energy before, this is a good time to start doing so.

We are changing.
Our bodies are changing.
And our inner landscape is changing too.

Here are seven ways to raise your vibration to bring balance into your life. This will not only support you on your journey, but will bring clarity, compassion and consciousness to yourself and to your significant relationship. You don’t have to be married or in an intimate relationship to use these ideas.


© image by Veronika Robinson


The First Way

Vibration can be understood in terms of love and fear or positive and negative. It is energy. Everything is made of energy, and according to the law of attraction people and situations are magnetised or repelled based on the vibrational nature or match of that energy.

We have a choice in how we absorb energies around us, and of those we broadcast. Our mind is an incredible resource, and we choose what goes through there. Monitoring, and living as a guardian to, the quality of those thoughts ensures that we are mindful of the frequencies we emit. Even if you feel like you’re someone who has gone through your whole life seeing the glass as half empty, or empty, you can choose to take a new approach. It is as simple as it is difficult. It is a choice, though. You are a powerful being, and you are the one in charge of the thoughts you think. Try choosing different thoughts and watch your life change.






The Second Way

For as long as I can remember, music has played an important role in my well-being and emotional health. Studies have shown that music has healing qualities. Or, at least it can do. But if the music you’re listening to doesn’t make you feel good then consider how much impact your music choices have on you. The lyrics we listen to, and the feel of the music, can enhance or reduce our vibrational energy. Next time you listen to a song, think about what the themes are. Is this something you want in your life? Do you want more sadness, regret, loneliness, anger, bitterness?

I remember when my daughters were little girls. I was listening to a song by David Gray and singing along to the lyrics of Nightblindness: ‘when the money runs out’. My younger daughter looked up and said “Mummy, what are we going to do when the money runs out?” Needless to say I never played that music again. My daughter was playing dolls, but she was listening to a powerful message! I didn’t want her to absorb poverty consciousness.

With some songs that I like the music to, but I know the lyrics aren’t conducive to a healthy and positive mindset, I simply change the lyrics to something better.


© Veronika Robinson

The Third Way


Our environment shapes us in countless ways. We are constantly taking in thousands of pieces of information every single second though we are only conscious of a few of them. Your environment is always feeding you. Does it nourish you? Are you surrounded by beauty, laughter, love, kindness? Whatever you are absorbing is triggering an avalanche of hormones in your body. This in turns shapes your vibrational frequency. And this draws or repels things, people, and events into your life.

© Veronika Robinson


The Fourth Way


Words are powerful. They can cure and they can wound. What is coming out of your mouth? Are you fuelling a fire by gossiping about another or whining about your partner or child or someone else in your life? It is essential if we intend to enjoy a happy and high-vibrational energy that we dispense of negative language, gossiping or speaking about yourself in an unkind way. Practise using affirmations as a way of speaking with power.

E.g. I am kind. I am calm. I am loving. I am living in a peaceful way. I am enjoying creativity.

I am adaptable. I am free. 

© Veronika Robinson

The Fifth Way


Gratitude is, I believe, one of the quickest and most reliable ways to raise your vibration to a beautiful level. Genuine gratitude lights up every cell of your being. Studies have shown that just act of searching for something to be grateful for changes the brain in a positive way.

You might like to keep a gratitude journal. It can be as simple as writing down five things, at the end of each day (just before sleep) that you’re grateful for. It could be the roof over your head, your comfy bed, or some kindness someone has shown you. It might be for your health, or that you passed a test, or for the flowers in your garden. There’s no right or wrong way to experience and express gratitude. To further enhance your vibration, allow yourself to really feel grateful. Allow yourself to smile, and let that feeling permeate your whole being.

Acknowledging everything you appreciate about your life, your relationships, your health, work and so on, allows the doors of possibility to open. e.g. I am so grateful for my loving spouse/husband/partner. I am so grateful for the kindness and care I receive in my relationship.


My own daily practice includes writing or saying: Life is good!  And is if responding to myself, I reply: All the time!

I spend an hour each morning (I get up early and write in my journal while still in bed) writing things and experiences I’m grateful for. This isn’t just about things which have happened, but things I wish to happen. I bring the future into my present by giving thanks for them as if I already have them.

e.g I am so grateful for my excellent health and radiant well being.

I am so grateful for my beautiful and loving relationship.

I am so grateful for my deep levels of creativity.

This combination of affirmation and gratitude is a form of ‘brainwashing’ (but in a positive way!) It is rewiring of old or outdated thought systems. I’m simply replacing anything that doesn’t serve me with something that will. The more often we work with our mind in this way, the more natural those beliefs will become until they’re non negotiable in our life.


© image by Veronika Robinson

The Sixth Way

Look around you. Where do you live? Where do you work? What can you see? What can you hear? What can you smell? What can you touch? How does it feel? Your frequency, your vibrational energy, will be matching the environment where you are spending your time. Is it nourishing you?

I am blessed to primarily work from home. I sit by a window as I work so I can ‘draw’ in the nature that’s outside. I have flowers beside me, and an assortment of crystals. I may have Mozart on the record player and incense burning. Even if I worked away in an office, I’d find ways to bring in elements of beauty. This is nourishment. It aligns us to our optimal self.



© Veronika Robinson

It’s easy for things like housework (or in my case, paperwork!) to become overwhelming. Taking some time to eliminate these, or keep them at manageable levels, only serves to enhance our well-being. There are countless articles, blogs and books on the power of decluttering. It is therapeutic and cathartic. Simplicity is a value which allows us to see the truth of our lives.

The Seventh Way


It is said that we become a composite of the five people we hang out with the most. This becomes particularly challenging if those people are emotionally draining, negative, pessimists, gossipers and so on. 



we are ‘swimming’ in the energy field

of the people we live with or spend the most time around.


Consider that this can be affecting you and your health and well-being, and reflect on how you might remedy this. Perhaps it is about alerting them to their mindset or explaining how their negativity is impacting you. You can’t change them, of course, but it is important to speak your truth quietly and clearly. As we change, our relationships change.

© Veronika Robinson

It can take a huge amount of energy to maintain our high vibrational energy when we’re surrounded by people who are emitting a negative frequency.

Making the conscious decision to choose high-vibration living means that you start making different choices. This is empowering and authentic, and ensures that you’re recalibrating in an optimal way. Consistently making these choices creates a brand new life. It doesn’t mean you’ll never feel sad, angry, depressed and so on. It does mean that you’ll make choices to choose different feelings sooner rather than later.

Veronika Robinson is an author based in Cumbria, and is currently writing a book on the liminal space of menopause, marriage and the psycho-spiritual changes as we recalibrate. She is the author of Cycle to the Moon; Celebrating The Menstrual Trinity: Menarche, Menstruation, Menopause, and an assortment of other books. She facilitates workshops for women, including the menstrual trinity; and as a celebrant creates and officiates Sagesse and Crone ceremonies. Veronika is a psychological astrologer, and weaves this into her work.

One of the questions that has been dominant in my mind for a few years has been: “What am I really good at?” Yeah, sure, there are plenty of things I’m good at, but what I really mean is: “What do I excel at?” I’m a classic ‘Jill of All Trades’, and have lots of skills at my disposal, but do I actually have any God-given gifts?



The thing about having various skills is that it doesn’t allow one to master a particular skill when we’re being all “butterfly” about it, skipping here and there to enjoy the next passion. I even toyed (ever so briefly!) with the idea of going to university so I could become an expert in a particular area.




And then something happened: something that changed my perception. It was mid December last year, and as much as I’m not a fan of the British Winter, I do look forward to Christmas. I genuinely love it (my family’s version, not the commercialised one) and was savouring the sweet and gentle crescendo of having my younger daughter come home from uni, and then the three of us travelling to our other daughter and her partner, and scrumptiously gorgeous granddaughter, for some more family time.




I had an overwhelming ‘push’ to go and visit my dear friend. She’d been struggling for a long time with life, love and loss, and was the Queen of “Putting up the Drawbridge” (her words). I tried ignoring the voice telling me to visit her, thinking that if she wanted to be in touch she’d reply to one of my emails or visit or pick up the phone. We’d been friends for 18 years, and she knew that our door was always open to her, day or night, no matter what.

I followed my intuition (rather than ego), and turned up at her door unannounced. It took her a long time to answer. When she finally did, I didn’t recognise her. I cried. Had we passed on the street, I wouldn’t have known it was her. That she was standing in her doorway, was my only clue that it was with her. She was skin and bone, and her skin was shrivelled to that of someone twice her age. Hunched, with more than 50% of her vision gone, I knew there was a LOT of work to do to try and repair her health.

She was ashamed that she’d gotten to that state, and didn’t want to let me in the door. Well, I was hardly going to leave! Damn that bloody drawbridge! Her house reflected her inner and physical state. For someone who dearly loved their home, it was quite shocking to witness.

I spent a few hours with her, and promised I’d return. I then spent a whole day with her: cleaning her house, washing her hair, giving her a little foot massage, and just chit chatting all day long about this and that. The big stuff. The little stuff. I had made a couple of big pots of soup to put in her freezer so she could just take a portion out each day and heat it up. I knew my efforts were a drop in the ocean, but I’m also an optimist and truly believed that with time and love we could get her back on her feet. If I could help her get strongly physically, then we had a better chance of shifting the emotional and mental health. I begged her to come and live with us, but she wanted to stay in her own home.

Despite the grim situation, we even managed to laugh several times. It was a joy to see the light flicker in her eyes. All was not lost! We hugged for the longest time, heart to heart; and we both sobbed. We had eighteen years of friendship under our belt, and knew each other’s deepest secrets.

As I was leaving, I asked: “What can I do for you?” She replied: “Take me to the vet!”

The truth is that had any compassionate person seen an animal in that condition, they would have taken them to be ‘put to sleep’. Pain and misery is uncomfortable to witness if you have any level of empathy.



I drove away with a heavy heart, and the light bulb went flashing on! “Veronika, you are really good at looking after yourself!”

Hell, yeah!

I suppose because I take my level of self-care and nurturing for granted ~ because it is so ingrained in what I do and who I am ~ I had never fully recognised it as one of my greatest gifts (even though, ironically, my friend had mentioned it many times over the years). Between her home and mine, another book was gestating inside me. The seed was planted. I would dedicate it to her, and she could use it as a workbook on self-love. The way my friend and I were mothered in childhood was completely different. My mum was the ultimate role model in self care!



That friend, who had shared many Christmases with us over the years, and joined in family meals, and talked on the phone with me for hours, and went to the movies with me, and helped me plant an orchard, is never going to read that book.

She chose to leave this earthly world at Christmas. Her pain has ended, but I feel mine has only just begun as I try and ‘process’ everything about her life, my life, our differences, and my eternal optimism that the second half of her life could be so much better than the first fifty years, and that she could have joy, pleasure and meet a true soul mate who could be fully there for her. She is never going to walk through my front door again, or sit in the garden with me sipping tea. We’ll never discuss books or philosophy again. Certainly no more shared walks through the woods when the bluebells are in flower. There are no more hugs to be shared.

My grief is raw, deep, harrowing. I can only hope that I emerge as the Wounded Healer, and do for others what I couldn’t do for my dear friend: help them love themselves so much that they thrive in this world. That they recognise that self-love is priceless, and the fuller we are with a high-level of nurture, the more we can give to the world around us.



Last weekend, I posted some pictures on Instagram of what I’d been doing. I’d gone for a run in the lovely countryside around my village. There was a pear and vanilla gluten-free vegan cake on the bench that I’d baked. Snuggled on the sofa by the woodstove, I immersed myself in a fabulous book. When the Sun beckoned me outside, I did my first spot of gardening for the year. I was in a state of joy and peace.

I started receiving messages from people saying things along the lines of: I want your life.

I guess what they were witnessing through my photos was a sense of contentment. And that is (grief aside!), how I feel about my blessed life. I’ve had more than my share of ups and downs over the years, but through it all I have always honoured my fundamental need for pleasure (and every human is born with that need).


My senses are nourished on an hour-by-hour basis, through beauty, integrity and simplicity: love, flowers, wholesome food, my husband’s gorgeous coffee, music, friendship, water, solitude, lovemaking, nature, hot showers, essential oils, touch, laughter, and so the list goes on. It never occurs to me to deny myself the joy of pleasant scents in my home, or to not take advantage of gorgeous rays of sunshine. Whenever I can, I make time to meet with friends for a cuppa or a walk. I exercise most days of the week, whether that’s walking, running, gym or aquafit. Meals are made from scratch, and with love. I cherish the hours I spend with Mr Sweetheart. The key to my lovely life is that I don’t assume I’m going to be here in a year, though I most definitely plan ahead! I adore my diary!

My joy for life comes from today: here. Right now. And with that, is always the intuitive pull towards what I enjoy. Rainbows on my walls from the sunshine going through the window crystal. Yep. Fresh fruit in various hand-carved wooden or glass bowls. Yep. Flowers here, there, and everywhere. Yep. Beautiful music in the background. Yep. Jasmine essential oil infusing the air. Yep. Woodstove on. Yep. Cuddle with my darling. All day long! Company. Yep. Solitude. Yep. Reading. Yep. Walking. Yep. Time for a run? Yep. An urge to be creative? Yep. Doing work I love. Yep.



Creating the life you want is about listening, and saying yes. It’s what I call the Sacred Yes.

There are times when I’m faced with something I don’t enjoy, like annual accounts or washing the mud off my car because it’s always getting filthy with living rurally. And grief isn’t one of my favourite things, either. But when I’m faced with such things, big or small, I find cushions to bring me comfort. I can do the BORING accounts with coffee in my favourite mug, and a candle burning. I can rest my eyes on beautiful flowers in between inputting figures into a database. Music can soothe my soul while the maths part of my brain is being tortured.



When washing the car, I tell myself I’m getting strong leg muscles each time I squat! I fill the bucket with warm water and a hint of lemongrass oil (for my pleasure, not the car’s!). I let the piano music CD nourish me while I rub that pesky mud off.

And as for grief: if it flows through me, it helps. I give myself permission to hibernate and just be with the tears. I allow myself to snuggle into bed that bit longer, or allow the shower to get that bit hotter so I’m warmed down to my bones. The dawn chorus makes my heart lighter, so I listen for as long as I can before the rest of the day beckons.

Creating a beautiful life doesn’t grant you immunity from the shitty times, but it does offer you the grace to humbly see just how much there is in life to be truly grateful for. Even the hurt offers up beauty, if only we can see it.


We are humans incarnated on this Earth to experience BEING HUMAN. We have this idea that we do all our growing through pain, but I don’t believe it has to be that way. Why can’t we grow through joy? Love? Passion? Contentment? Satisfaction?

I start and end each day with the affirmation: I am so grateful for my beautiful life. I repeat it in my mind throughout the day, too, whenever I’m not having to think about anything else.

Gratitude is life changing.

My guiding purpose in life, and for the rest of my days (and maybe years, if I’m around that long), is to create as much pleasure, love and beauty as is humanly possible. Like the flowers that grow in my garden, I want to hold my head to the sunshine and sigh with nothing but bliss. To melt into the warmth and light. That’s the life I want. That’s the life I have.